IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that the media should be for entertainment only, while others believe that media should have educational values. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Now, The
media
Use synonyms
becomes
Wrong verb form
has become
show examples
 a main thing in
this
Linking Words
 period most
community
Fix the agreement mistake
communities
show examples
 benefit from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technology . The people divide in two
point
Change to a plural noun
points
show examples
 of
views
Fix the agreement mistake
view
show examples
. The first group believes that the
media
Use synonyms
 might be just for entertainment
while
Linking Words
 the second group indicates that it should have
a educational principles
Correct the article-noun agreement
educational principles
an educational principle
show examples
. I think the
media
Use synonyms
 must have learning purposes to affect
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the community in a positive way. The first opinion
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
mentioned that the
media
Use synonyms
 should be just for fun and enjoyment because individuals have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
high pressure in their lives .especially,
in
Rephrase
especially in
show examples
work places
Correct your spelling
workplaces
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, schools even houses.
Watch
Wrong verb form
Watching
show examples
interest
Replace the word
interesting
show examples
 programs ,series,
moivies
Correct your spelling
movies
 or cartoons will enhance a mood and give
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
power for the next day. The second opinion said that the
media
Use synonyms
 have to have learning values to produce a good
generations
Fix the agreement mistake
generation
show examples
. They argue that apps on smart devices , channels on TV and Radio stations have a strong
effective
Replace the word
effect
show examples
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
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 on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children. If it has educational messages on
media
Use synonyms
 that will make people
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
better in their
personality
Fix the agreement mistake
personalities
show examples
 and lives.
For example
Linking Words
, when cartoons
learn
Verb problem
teach
show examples
 children
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
good manners they will become more
polit
Correct your spelling
polite
.
Linking Words
Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
show examples
 the adults, if the series
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 positive speech and actions that will make persons more happy
Finally
Linking Words
, Both points of
views
Fix the agreement mistake
view
show examples
 have their reasons  The first one insists the entertainment
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
media
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 the second opinion rejects that and
want
Correct subject-verb agreement
wants
show examples
 to add learning principles
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the
media
Use synonyms
 .
However
Linking Words
, I agree
with
Change preposition
that
show examples
 the
media
Use synonyms
 have to be more careful in what they
shows
Change the verb form
show
show examples
 for the followers to produce
a learned and smart generations
Correct the article-noun agreement
a learned and smart generation
learned and smart generations
show examples
.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure to add more transitional phrases to improve flow between paragraphs and points.
task achievement
Try to provide clearer examples and explanations to strengthen your main points.
task achievement
You have presented both views clearly and articulated your opinion, which is commendable.
coherence cohesion
The introduction effectively outlines the topic and sets the stage for the discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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