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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people say that parents have the most important role in a child's development. However, others argue that other things like television or friends have the most siginificant influence. Discuss both views and opinion.

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The development of a child is influenced by a variety of factors, and there is ongoing debate about which has the greatest impact.
While
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 some believe that
parents
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 play the most crucial role, others argue that external
influences
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such
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 as television and peer groups are more significant.
This
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 essay will examine both perspectives before offering a personal opinion. On one hand, many argue that
parents
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 are the most important influence in a child’s life. From birth,
children
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 rely on their
parents
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 not only for basic needs but
also
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 for emotional support and moral guidance.
Parents
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 are often a child’s first teachers, shaping their
behavior
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behaviour
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, values, and attitudes during the formative years.
For example
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,
children
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 raised in a supportive and nurturing home environment are more likely to develop self-confidence and strong social skills.
Moreover
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, good parenting can
instill
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instil
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 discipline, empathy, and a sense of responsibility—qualities essential for personal and social success.
On the other hand
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, others believe that modern
influences
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such
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 as television, social
media
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, and friends play a larger role, especially as
children
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 grow older. In today’s digital age,
children
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 are exposed to various forms of
media
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 that can shape their views, habits, and aspirations. Television programs and online content can either educate or mislead, depending on the quality of what is consumed.
Additionally
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, peer pressure often has a powerful effect on
children
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, particularly during adolescence. The desire to fit in with friends can sometimes lead to both positive and negative
behaviors
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behaviours
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, depending on the peer group. In my opinion,
while
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 friends and
media
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 certainly have a strong impact, the foundation laid by
parents
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 is the most significant factor in a child’s
overall
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 development. If
children
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 are raised with strong values and critical thinking skills, they are more likely to make informed choices regardless of outside
influences
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. Parental involvement from an early age acts as a guiding force that helps
children
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 navigate the challenges presented by peers and
media
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. In conclusion, both
parents
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 and external
influences
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 contribute to a child's development.
However
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, I believe that
parents
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 play the most vital role, as their early guidance shapes the character and decision-making abilities of their
children
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.

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coherence and cohesion
Your introduction is clear and sets the stage for your discussion effectively. However, you could enhance it by more directly stating your personal opinion in the introduction.
task achievement
The body paragraphs are logically structured, with clear topic sentences and development. Consider including more specific examples or details to strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion summarizes your main points well, but it could be strengthened by reinforcing the significance of your argument with a strong closing statement.
task achievement
You have effectively examined both sides of the argument, presenting valid points for each perspective.
coherence and cohesion
Your writing demonstrates a good range of vocabulary and sentence structures, contributing to clarity and interest.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • role models
  • values
  • norms
  • emotional support
  • psychological growth
  • educational tool
  • cognitive development
  • social influencers
  • social skills
  • balanced influence
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