IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviour to children? The crucial knowledge of dividing good from bad for a child from childhood.

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It is important for
children
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 to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn
this
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 distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with
this
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 opinion? What sort of punishment should
parents
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 and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviour to
children
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? The crucial knowledge of dividing good from bad for a
child
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 from childhood.
While
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 some people agree that
children
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 could be taught the right perspectives only by
punishments
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, I believe that demonstrating the consequences is a more effective way of taking lessons for
children
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.
This
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 essay partly agrees with the statement.
To begin
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 with, seeing
differences
Correct article usage
the differences
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 between right and wrong may help a
child
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 to build their moral principles,
while
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punishments
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 will only ruin relationships between caretakers and
children
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. If
a
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
child
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 were not shown the moral rules of society, it would be hard ever them to find a way to learn to distinguish between white from black.
Parents
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 must be role models for their concepts of a good
child
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.
For example
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, recent research from the Russian Centre of Troubled Teenagers showed that one of the reasons for being a bully at a young age is learned aggression from
parents
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. Turning to the second question,
punishments
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 should be replaced by the consequences of the
child
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`s misbehaviour.
Punishments
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 are born from anger and irritability that make
children
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 reflect on it rather than learn the lesson from it.
In contrast
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, consequences are aimed at showing the result of their misdemeanour and teaching an alternative way of behaviour.
For instance
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,
Parents
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 whose
child
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 broke a window should talk to them about what toys could be bought with the money from the broken window.

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task achievement
Make sure to provide a clearer stance in your introduction and conclusion. Explicitly state how much you agree or disagree with the idea that punishment is necessary.
coherence and cohesion
Strengthen your logical structure by linking your ideas more clearly. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea that is well supported.
task achievement
Include more specific examples or real-life scenarios to enhance the clarity of your arguments. This will also help illustrate your points more vividly.
overall quality
The essay presents a clear counterargument regarding the effectiveness of punishment versus demonstrating consequences, which adds depth to your argument.
task achievement
The essay uses relevant examples to support the main points, particularly the example of the research on bullying from parents.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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