some people think that competition at work, at school and a daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other

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Some would argue that it is good to
work
Use synonyms
or study in a competitive environment every day,
while
Linking Words
others say that it is better if we
work
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together, rather than
work
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in a
competition
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.
Moreover
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, working in a competitive situation could reduce the level of stress, which is bad for the health.
However
Linking Words
, I believe that it is better to be in a place where
group
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work
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is smooth and cooperative, without any unnecessary difficulties. On the one hand, being in workplaces where everyone is in a
competition
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could be good. People who have
this
Linking Words
mindset think competitive and working under pressure can enhance productivity, and
also
Linking Words
contestation can help them to stay more focused and meet deadlines more effectively.
For example
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, fashion schools always have submission dates to push students to be more creative.
However
Linking Words
, I believe that being in battle does not lead to success because it will reduce the level of stress, not the level of productivity. On the other hand, working in a
group
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is more effective than competing with each other. When people
work
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together, it can increase creativity and help them to meet the time limits without missing any tasks.
Moreover
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,
group
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work
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can support each other to create new ideas.
For instance
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, college teachers have observed that students improve through
group
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projects, which help them better understand lessons.
However
Linking Words
, I believe that learning in an environment that supports
group
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work
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is more beneficial than
competition
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, as it can have a greater impact on the creativity of both learners and workers. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
working in a space that supports
competition
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can negatively affect workers’ lives and mental health, being in a supportive environment and
group
Use synonyms
work
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can have a positive impact on worker and learner
work
Use synonyms
life.

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coherence and cohesion
Your essay presents both sides of the argument, but it would benefit from clearer topic sentences and better transitions between ideas. Consider using linking words to enhance the flow of your paragraphs.
task achievement
While you address the prompt adequately, your arguments could use more depth and development. Try to provide more comprehensive examples and elaboration on your points.
task achievement
You successfully present both viewpoints on the topic, which shows an understanding of the complexity of the issue.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
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