IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think the government should subsidies fruit and vegetable to make healthy food more affordable. others agree that the government should tax unhealthy food instead. discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Organic foods are one of the crucial discussions nowadays
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 an international form. It is an irrefutable fact that
people
Use synonyms
 are
being
Verb problem
becoming
show examples
 more cautious about their
health
Use synonyms
.
Use synonyms
Government
Correct article usage
The government
show examples
 should interfere and
sale
Replace the word
sell
show examples
 healthy foods
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
 discounted
price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
show examples
 or give
subsidies
Use synonyms
. others argue by saying that
government
Use synonyms
 should put high tax
margines
Correct your spelling
margins
 on unhealthy
products
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay shall discuss both viewpoints with relevant reasons.
At
Change the preposition
In
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 the beginning, the main reason for giving
subsidies
Use synonyms
 is inflation rates are rising day by day all around the globe.
Specially
Replace the word
In particular
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, mid-range
people
Use synonyms
 and
below poverty
Add a hyphen
below-poverty
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 cannot afford
Use synonyms
health
Replace the word
healthy
show examples
 fruits and vegetables. Another reason is
excessive
Correct article usage
the excessive
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 use of pesticides.
Along with
Linking Words
 these organic
products
Use synonyms
 are too costly in
supermarket
Fix the agreement mistake
supermarkets
show examples
.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
Government
Use synonyms
 intervention in
way
Add an article
a way
the way
show examples
 giving discounts and
giving
Verb problem
apply
show examples
subsidies
Use synonyms
 to everyone on groceries
that
Correct word choice
so that
show examples
 way
people
Use synonyms
 can stay healthy and fit,
eat
Correct word choice
and eat
show examples
 good quality food.
For example
Linking Words
, advertisements about
subsidies
Use synonyms
 and
keep
Wrong verb form
keeping
show examples
 aware
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 healthy
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
show examples
. In
this
Linking Words
way
Add a comma
way,
show examples
government
Use synonyms
 will
also
Linking Words
 reduce
health
Use synonyms
 problems
as well as
Linking Words
 hospitable enormous bills.
Also
Linking Words
, making it reasonable so that every kind of person can buy it because it is
basic
Correct article usage
a basic
show examples
needs
Fix the agreement mistake
need
show examples
.
In Contrast
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
government
Add an article
the government
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 should increase tax rates on processed
products
Use synonyms
.
Which
Correct pronoun usage
This
show examples
 is important because in every country
specially
Replace the word
especially
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
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youth unhealthy eating is rising and eating so much processed food will directly
be led
Wrong verb form
lead
show examples
 to
unhealthy
Correct article usage
an unhealthy
show examples
 body in future. Even though,
incline
Correct article usage
an incline
show examples
 in tax will reduce the
demands
Fix the agreement mistake
demand
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 highly processed foods.
For instance
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 can advertise facts
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
ingredients
Correct article usage
the ingredients
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 list will decrease the demand
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 unhealthy
products
Use synonyms
,
industries
Correct word choice
and industries
show examples
 producing unhealthy should pay taxes. In
conclusions
Fix the agreement mistake
conclusion
show examples
, individuals should start
improvising
Verb problem
improving
show examples
 their
health
Use synonyms
 and
stay
Wrong verb form
staying
show examples
 fit
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that
Correct determiner usage
The
show examples
government
Use synonyms
 can help by providing
subsidies
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 fruits and vegetables. And should increase taxes on unhealthy
products
Use synonyms
.
Also
Linking Words
, at
same
Add an article
the same
show examples
 time
government
Use synonyms
 can increase awareness in
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
 can solve
this
Linking Words
 problem in
long
Correct article usage
the long
show examples
 run.

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task achievement
Ensure that your introduction paraphrases the question clearly and states your opinion explicitly. It will help set the stage for your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Review your paragraphs to ensure each one has a clear main idea and that sentences within each paragraph connect smoothly to each other. A topic sentence at the beginning of each paragraph would enhance clarity.
task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples that directly tie into your points, as general statements can weaken your arguments.
task achievement
You have identified both sides of the argument and attempted to present them fairly, which shows a good understanding of the task.
task achievement
Your essay demonstrates a clear awareness of the public health issue related to food choices, which is relevant and engaging.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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