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Writing Samples
Band 5

some people believe that learning a foreign language should be mandatory in schools .Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Owing to globalization, some people argue that a foreign
language
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 should be
complusary
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compulsory
 in educational institutions as it enhances communication
skills
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 and aids in securing careers.
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While in
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In
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 order to prevent
overwhelming
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an overwhelming
the overwhelming
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 load of studies , others contend that it should be optional.I personally agree with the statement and believe learning
foreign
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a foreign
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language
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 can broaden
worldview
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the worldview
show examples
 of a student. One of the most significant
advantage
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advantages
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 of a foreign
language
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 in
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school
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a school
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curriculam
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curriculum
 is
language
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aquisition
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acquisition
 at
early
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an early
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 age .
Although
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 studying
foreign
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a foreign
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language
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 along
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with
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other subjects can be hard , the most effective time to learn any new
language
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 is only possible in
school
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.
For example
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, there are many studies which
shown
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show
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 that children are more receptive to
learn
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learning
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new
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a new
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language
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instead
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 of
Add a missing verb
being
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in
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the mid
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mid twenties
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mid-twenties
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.
This
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result
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results
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 in ,
students
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become
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becoming
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advance
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advanced
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speaker
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speakers
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 in these languages which
boost
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boosts
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 communication
skills
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therby
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thereby
 broading job opportunities later in life . Another reason is developing cognitive
skills
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 .
A
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Students
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students
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 when
learn
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learning
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 a new
language
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 it improves their cognitive
skills
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such
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 as critical thinking and broadens
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their worldview
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worldview
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worldviews
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 as they get opportunities to gain knowledge about different cultures and traditions .
As a result
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 ,
younsters
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youngsters
 who are living in
underdeveloping
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underdeveloped
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 nations with excellent grades can be welcomed by developed
one's
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ones
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where they can have
a
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apply
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better living
of
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apply
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standards.
For instance
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 , thousands of
students
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 from poor countries who are advanced
speaker
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speakers
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in
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of
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 English are pursuing their studies in top nations
such
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 as the USA,Canada and Australia in search of
better
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a better
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 life. In conclusion,
while
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 a foreign
language
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 in
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school
Correct article usage
the school
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 curriculum can be
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a
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little
overwhelmed
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overwhelming
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on
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for
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students
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, the benefits
come
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that come
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 from learning it should not be overlooked.In
this
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interconnected world
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interconnected-world
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interconnected-world,
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 a
school
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 which teaches a foreign
language
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 to
students
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 is not only increasing
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the
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academic performance
overall
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 of
students
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 but
also
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 making their future more secure
interms
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in terms
 of career opportunities.

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Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction could be clearer and more structured. Consider stating your position more explicitly and outlining the main points that will be discussed in the body paragraphs.
Task Achievement
Make sure to check spelling and grammar, e.g., 'compulsory' instead of 'complusary' and 'curriculum' instead of 'curriculam.' These small errors can affect the overall impression of your writing.
Task Achievement
While your arguments are valid, adding more specific examples or data to support your claims would strengthen your position.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that transitions between sentences and paragraphs are smooth. Use linking words to guide the reader through your arguments more effectively.
Task Achievement
You present a clear opinion and argument in favor of learning foreign languages that is easy to follow.
Coherence and Cohesion
The idea of cognitive development through learning new languages is well-articulated and relevant.
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