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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The graph below shows the number of enquiries received by the Tourist Information Office in one city over a six-month period in 2011. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the number of enquiries received by the Tourist Information Office in one city over a six-month period in 2011. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
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The line chart below illustrates the number of
inquiries
Use synonyms
 received by the Tourist Information Office in
me
Correct pronoun usage
my
show examples
 city through three communication methods during the first six
month
Change to a plural noun
months
show examples
 of 2011.
Overall
Linking Words
,
in
Add a hyphen
in-person
show examples
person
Use synonyms
 and by telephone
Use synonyms
inquires
Replace the word
inquiries
show examples
 were the most popular,
while
Linking Words
 by
letter
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
lemail
Correct your spelling
email
 especially in
person
Use synonyms
 showed the most significant nice
while
Linking Words
 by
letter
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
lemail
Correct your spelling
email
 declined in
used
Change the form of the verb
use
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. In January, telephone
Use synonyms
inquires
Replace the word
inquiries
show examples
 were the highest out
around
Change preposition
of around
show examples
 900, followed by
letter
Use synonyms
/email at just under 500, in
person
Use synonyms
visit
Fix the agreement mistake
visits
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 were the lowest with just
mer
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
400
inquiries
Use synonyms
. From
Febuary
Correct your spelling
February
 to April,
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
tetephone
Correct your spelling
telephone
 still remained the leading method,
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
averaging around 1000
inquiries
Use synonyms
 per.
However
Linking Words
,
in
Add a hyphen
in-person
show examples
Use synonyms
person
Add a comma
person,
show examples
Inquiries
Use synonyms
 steadily, Overtaking by
letter
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
lemail
Correct your spelling
email
 in April. Between March
grew
Verb problem
apply
show examples
and
June
Use synonyms
,
in
Add a hyphen
in-person
show examples
person
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
inquires
Replace the word
inquiries
show examples
 grew dramatically, peaking at 1900 in
June
Use synonyms
. Telephone
also
Linking Words
 increased, reaching 1600
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
June
Use synonyms
. Meanwhile, the number of
Use synonyms
inquires
Replace the word
inquiries
show examples
 by
letter
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
lemail
Correct your spelling
email
 declined significantly, falling to
bellow
Correct your spelling
below
show examples
 400- the lowest point throughout the period. In conclusion, in
Use synonyms
person
Add a comma
person,
show examples
enquines
Correct your spelling
enquiries
 saw the most significant dramatic growth and became the most common method by
June
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2011

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words inquiries, person, inquires, letter, lemail, june with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "declined" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "dramatically" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • number of inquiries
  • Tourist Information Office
  • six-month period
  • increased steadily
  • reached a peak
  • decreased slightly
  • increased dramatically
  • experienced a gradual decline
  • general trend
  • highest number
  • lowest number
  • significant increase
  • tourism interest
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