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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that schools should invest more money in technology, such as more computers, while others think more money should be spent on teachers. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

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It is irrefutable that globalization has revolutionized the education system worldwide, with some arguing that schools and colleges should invest heavily in advancing teaching methods by purchasing new
technology
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, particularly computers, to enhance students'
overall
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 experience.
While
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this
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 belief has some notable advantages, others contend that more money should be spent on recruiting highly qualified
teachers
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. In my view, a balanced approach, where
technology
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 complements the efforts of skilled
teachers
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 would be a more effective solution. Some individuals argue that investing a considerable amount of money in upgrading teaching methods by incorporating computer
technology
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 is a sustainable and efficient option.
This
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 is largely because implementing computer-based learning seems relatively inexpensive compared to the ongoing salaries of
teachers
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.
Moreover
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, computer-assisted learning can be convenient and effective for children, helping them acquire new skills and technologies that will benefit them in their careers.
On the other hand
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, many believe that substantial funds should rather be spent on recruiting experienced
teachers
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, who not only help students with their academics but
also
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 impart essential life skills
such
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 as critical thinking, problem-solving, and teamwork. Unlike computer
technology
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, a good teacher always encourages children to engage in extracurricular activities, fostering personal growth, creativity, and cognitive development.
Additionally
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,
teachers
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 provide valuable guidance in understanding complex concepts and assignments, an area where computers fall short. In conclusion,
while
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 some advocate for replacing
teachers
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 with
technology
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, many individuals believe that no
technology
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 can replace a good teacher.
Therefore
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, money should be spent on recruiting experienced educators.
However
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, in my humble opinion, schools and universities should adopt a more advanced and effective practice where computer
technology
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 can assist
teachers
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 in educating students and shaping their future.

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task achievement
Consider adding more specific examples or data to support your arguments about the benefits of technology and the effectiveness of teachers. This would strengthen your points further.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph clearly ties back to the main argument. Sometimes, the connection between the ideas could be smoother to enhance coherence.
content
Your essay presents a balanced view of the issue, which showcases critical thinking and an understanding of the topic.
structure
The introduction and conclusion effectively summarize your main points and your opinion, providing clarity to the reader.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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