IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some students take one year off between finishing school and going to university in order to travel or to work do you think advantags outweigh vote disadvantages

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Nowadays, some
people
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 argue that students who take a gap
year
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 to work or do any activities have more benefits than drawbacks,
while
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 others believe the opposite. In
this
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 essay, I will explore both perspectives,
ulitimately
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ultimately
 siding with the latter view
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of that
show examples
that
Correct word choice
whether
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 should teenagers take a
year
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 off or not. First of all, one of the compelling aspects of taking time between high
school
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 and university for
descovering
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discovering
 themselves,
to
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is to
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 know what is best for them. In fact, high schoolers struggle with their
idantity
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identity
 where they do not have enough
knowlage
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knowledge
 of what major they want to have.
Although
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,
this
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 part of
time
Add an article
the time
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 in their life would guide them to have the best choice after the
school
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prssure
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pressure
. A study by New York University concluded that the rate of transfer
student
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students
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 who
attented
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attended
attend
 college right after
school
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are
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is
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 higher than the
people
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 who took a
year
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 off by 85%.
Therefore
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,
this
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 shows that the cap
year
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 is an effective way to hold
accountable
Correct pronoun usage
you accountable
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 for your actions.
On the other hand
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, One major drawback of not studying for a
year
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 is having fear of missing out, as known as FOMO. Coming out of age can put a great amount of stress on them,
where
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and
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 they might compare themselves to their peers.
In other words
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, feeling that you are a failure for not following the social norms
influence
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influences
show examples
 them to believe that they are missing something
out
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apply
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.
For example
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, looking at the
people
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with
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apply
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the same age as you graduating
while
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 you are still
purssing
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pursuing
pursing
pressing
 a degree can be frustrating for them.
As a result
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, young
people
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 are prone to envy others and feel lonely, just because they did not do what everyone else's
have
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has
show examples
 done. In conclusion,
while
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 having a
year
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 without thinking about
school
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 has its pros and cons, it
also
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 can
effect
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affect
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 the
mantality
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mentality
 of the person depending on their personality.
Therefore
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,
gap
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a gap
the gap
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year
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 is
reccomended
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recommended
 for the
pepole
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people
 who would take the most of it, but if they are prone to feel that they are an
oursider
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outsider
,
then
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 it is not
prefared
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preferred
prepared
.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your position in the introduction and maintain a consistent argument throughout the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Work on using more varied and precise vocabulary to express your ideas effectively and avoid redundancy.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure your ideas are connected logically, and use appropriate linking words to help the flow of your essay.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both advantages and disadvantages of taking a gap year, which is a good approach to the topic.
task achievement
You presented some relevant examples, particularly the study from New York University to support your argument.
coherence and cohesion
You have structured your essay with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is essential for clarity.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Gap year
  • Life experiences
  • Personal growth
  • Independence
  • Resume enhancement
  • Practical skills
  • Cultural awareness
  • Global perspective
  • Academic burnout
  • Renewed energy
  • Financial savings
  • Student loans
  • Skillset
  • Workforce
  • Self-discovery
What to do next:
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