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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that the government should pay for health care and education, but others believe it is not the government's responsibility. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Some people argue that it is the government’s responsibility to allocate budgets to health care and schooling,
while
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 others believe it is not. I contend that the authorities should cover the cost of these fields since they can boost the
overall
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 well-being of
society
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. Medical and educational facilities funded by the government can impose a heavy financial burden, especially if individuals overuse
such
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 services and social resources. Investments in hospitals, medical staff, and educational infrastructure may lead to budget deficits.
Additionally
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, without appropriate regulations, people may take advantage of free services, leading to pressure on public systems.
For example
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, the free healthcare system in Taiwan triggers the excessive use of medical services, contributing to overcrowded hospitals and patients without appropriate treatments.
However
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, I believe that, with the right strategy,
this
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 problem can be addressed easily.
On the other hand
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, it is the government’s obligation to provide well-organized and complementary healthcare and educational systems to the general public. Being part of a massive
society
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, individuals inherent
this
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 fundamental right to be cared for and educated well. If everyone in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society
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 can benefit from these social welfare systems, their emotional well-being will increase, leading to
overall
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 social development and personal productivity in their country. Statistics have shown that in most developed countries,
such
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 as Japan and South Korea, people can experience the free schooling system and obtain a higher chance of employment.
Therefore
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, I assure you that the investment is integral to
overall
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society
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. In conclusion,
although
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 it is sometimes overwhelming for the government to afford all shares of the health care and schooling system, I believe that it should take responsibility because of its social role.

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task achievement
Your arguments are clear and relevant, but providing more specific examples or data to support your points could strengthen your essay. Try to include additional evidence or statistics to back your claims about the benefits of government-funded services.
coherence and cohesion
Consider ensuring that each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next. Using linking phrases or summary sentences can enhance the flow of your essay, making it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
structure
Your introduction clearly presents your stance, and the conclusion effectively summarizes your views, enhancing the clarity of your argument.
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