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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart shows the number of male and female students doing scientific research across a range of disciplines at a UK university in 2009.

The bar chart shows the number of male and female students doing scientific research across a range of disciplines at a UK university in 2009.
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The bar graph provides data about the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
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 of students doing a scientific investigation across numerous
of
Change preposition
apply
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proffesions
Correct your spelling
professions
 at a United Kingdom university in 2009.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the bar chart showed that the number of women in the field of physics was around 50,
while
Linking Words
 the number of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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men was about 225 individuals.
However
Linking Words
, in the case of the disciplines of astronomy and
geology
Add a comma
geology,
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 the amount of
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
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 that did the scientific research was the same in both groups, 150 persons,
whereas
Linking Words
 the digit of the female was significantly lower, 60 and 70 individuals respectively.
Acording
Correct your spelling
According
 to the figure, the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
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 of male people doing a
scientic
Correct your spelling
scientific
 investigation in the biology field was
near
Change the word
nearly
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 250, being the highest one across the total of disciplines. The
proffesion
Correct your spelling
profession
 of medicine represented a difference of 25 persons between women (175) and men (200).
Finally
Linking Words
,
few
Correct article usage
a few
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 individuals did
a
Remove the article
apply
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scientific research in veterinary medicine, 75 males and 110 females.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender distribution
  • scientific disciplines
  • disciplines
  • societal expectations
  • educational opportunities
  • gender disparities
  • notable trends
  • implications
  • scientific community
  • research output
  • educational reforms
  • policies
  • awareness
  • inclusivity
  • diversity programs
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