IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that children should be home schooled when they are very young while others think it is better for them to attend a kindergarten. Discuss both sides and give your opinions.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Schooling is the most preeminent part of
children
Use synonyms
's lives and helps to frame a better future. Some people assume that homeschooling is a better choice,
whereas
Linking Words
 others believe that going to kindergarten will be more beneficial for them. I will be elaborating on both views before giving my opinion. On the one hand, learning from home helps the child to feel more secure, as parents are the first teachers of their lives. To elaborate,
children
Use synonyms
 feel a sense of belonging and well-being from their family, which helps them to learn better and faster.
Also
Linking Words
,
Change preposition
at in
show examples
in
Correct your spelling
an
show examples
 early age,
children
Use synonyms
 require more attention, and learning at home provides them with individualised attention.
Apart from
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, being at home puts them in a bubble of comfort zone where they do not feel any kind of peer pressure, and it leads to a strong child and parent bond.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, attending kindergarten leads to an enhancement of
children
Use synonyms
's language, social, emotional, and cognitive development. In the school, the
children
Use synonyms
 will perform various mathematical and problem-solving activities, which will help to develop their critical thinking skills.
For instance
Linking Words
, learning numbers, legos, blocks, puzzles, and many more.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 will interact with other
children
Use synonyms
 and educators, which will reduce their hesitation, and they will become more social.
Apart from
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, being in a group of classmates will put them under a little pressure, which will promote their problem-solving and decision-making skills.
Lastly
Linking Words
, kindergarten will help
children
Use synonyms
 reach their early age milestones. In my opinion, schooling at an early age is very crucial as it helps them to give a strong foundation to learn and grow in a number of ways.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Consider expanding your introduction to include a clearer thesis statement, explicitly stating your opinion on the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Try to improve the use of linking words and phrases between sentences and paragraphs for better flow.
coherence and cohesion
Include a concluding statement that sums up your opinion and the main points discussed.
task achievement
You have presented both sides of the argument, demonstrating a balanced approach to the discussion.
task achievement
Your points are generally clear and relevant to the topic, showing an understanding of the issues at hand.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: