IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

As technology advances, travelling to space is likely to become an option for holidaymakers in the future. What do you think are the advantages and disadvantages of space tourism?" Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Introduction
Space
Use synonyms
tourism
Use synonyms
 is likely to become an option for holidaymakers in the future. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I will give my opinion and the advantages and disadvantages of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
future
space
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tourism
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 1
Nowdays
Correct the word
Nowadays
show examples
 humanity
suffer
Change the verb form
suffers
show examples
 from
emptyeness
Correct your spelling
emptiness
,
Linking Words
that
Correct word choice
and that
show examples
 is
whay
Correct your spelling
why
what
 they come up with
an ideas
Correct the article-noun agreement
ideas
an idea
show examples
 like that.
Body paragraph 2
In my
Correct your spelling
view
veiw
Add a comma
veiw,
show examples
 There
is
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are
show examples
such
Linking Words
 many
things
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 that
people
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has
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have
show examples
not
Add the particle
not to
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discover
Wrong verb form
discovered
show examples
 yet about our
bodeys
Correct your spelling
bodies
 and our
planet
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.
For example
Linking Words
, the illnesses we have as
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
, and there is no
deynaing
Correct your spelling
denying
 that we must
foucs
Correct your spelling
focus
 on
things
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such
Linking Words
like
Change preposition
as
show examples
 that. More
importantly
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importantly,
show examples
 we discover our
planet
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.
For example
Linking Words
, the sea world, the weather...etc.
Body paragraph 3
Overall
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
space
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tourism
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are
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is
show examples
 made for
people
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 who
has
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have
show examples
 nothing else to do in life.
Whereas
Linking Words
 the important
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things
Fix the agreement mistake
thing
show examples
from
Change preposition
for
show examples
 these
people
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 who have the
aibility
Correct your spelling
ability
 to do
Linking Words
this
Change the determiner
this thing
these things
show examples
things
Use synonyms
 "
space
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tourism
Use synonyms
" they must have enough
awaerness
Correct your spelling
awareness
 to help the
planet
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,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
humanity.
Body paragraph 4
On
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 hand discovering
space
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 is an important thing for our future. AS the
spase
Correct your spelling
space
 travel to the global
space
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 station. It helped to
knew
Change the verb
know
show examples
such
Linking Words
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
new and
grat
Correct your spelling
great
show examples
things
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
 the
weathe
Correct your spelling
weather
knowlege
Correct your spelling
knowledge
 on our
planet
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, and many
things
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.
Conclusion
In
conclusion
Add a comma
conclusion,
show examples
 I do not see
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
space
Use synonyms
tourism
Use synonyms
 as
thing
Add an article
a thing
the thing
show examples
 for
people
Use synonyms
 to do.

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task achievement
Your introduction is clear, but try to provide a more detailed overview of the advantages and disadvantages you will discuss in your essay. This will give your reader a better understanding of what to expect.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use clearer topic sentences to introduce each paragraph. This helps in maintaining a logical structure. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph stays focused on its main idea.
task achievement
Some of your ideas could be more clearly explained. For example, your point about people needing to focus on helping the planet could be expanded with specific examples. This would strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Pay attention to your spelling and grammar, as there are several errors (e.g., 'whay', 'deynaing', 'awaerness'). Proofreading your essay before submission will help improve clarity.
task achievement
You have a clear opinion regarding space tourism and its relevance in today's world, which is a strong start for your essay.
task achievement
Your attempt to link space exploration to broader human concerns and responsibilities is thought-provoking, demonstrating a deeper understanding of the topic.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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