IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

It is suggested that everyone in the world should have a car, a TV and a fridge. Do you think the disadvantages outweigh the advantages for society？

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There is no doubt that these days many people believe that everyone should have basic appliances like a
car
Use synonyms
, a television, and a fridge. The question is: does
this
Linking Words
 bring more good or bad to our society? In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I am going to discuss the advantages and disadvantages of
this
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 idea. In terms of advantages, having a
car
Use synonyms
 helps people move easily from one place to another. The main reason given to support
this
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 claim is that it saves time and gives more comfort. To illustrate, someone with a
car
Use synonyms
 can go to work, shop, or visit family anytime.
In other words
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, it gives more freedom and independence.
However
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, there are some disadvantages.
Firstly
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, if everyone owns a
car
Use synonyms
, traffic and pollution will increase.
In other words
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, cities will become crowded and unhealthy.
Secondly
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, buying these items can be expensive.
This
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 is because poor people may feel pressure to buy them just to follow others.
Also
Linking Words
, it can increase waste and harm the environment.

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task achievement
Expand on your points to provide a more comprehensive discussion. For instance, you could explore additional advantages such as the impact of having a fridge on food preservation and health, or the benefits of having a TV for education or entertainment.
coherence and cohesion
Consider improving the connection between paragraphs and ideas. Using transition words like 'furthermore', 'in addition', or 'on the other hand' can help create a smoother flow.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure you include a conclusion that summarizes your main points and gives a final opinion on the topic. This will strengthen the overall structure of your essay.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states the topic and outlines your aim to discuss advantages and disadvantages.
task achievement
You provide a reasonable argument about the convenience of having a car, stating its benefits in terms of time-saving and comfort.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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