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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some believe that children should start school after the age of 7 while others think that school should begin from a very young age. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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In recent years, going to
school
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 is a common experience among people who live in modern society.
While
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 some believe that
children
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 should start
school
Use synonyms
 after 7 years old, others argue that
school
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 should begin from
an
Remove the article
apply
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infancy.
This
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 essay will examine both perspectives and explain why I
agree
Add the preposition
agree on
agree to
agree with
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 the former view.
To begin
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 with, it is true that there are some positive effects when
children
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 go to
school
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 when they are little. One of the main advantages is that it allows
parents
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 to manage their schedules and get free
time
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for spending
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to spend
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 on
the
Correct article usage
apply
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leisure activities.
This
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 is because, when
children
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 start
school
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,
teacher
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the teacher
a teacher
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 should take care of them, including education and
meal
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meals
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.
For example
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, some prior studies reported that
parents
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 who send their
children
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 to
school
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 tend to have more
time
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 to travel as a couple. As
such
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, going to
school
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 earlier can be beneficial for
parents
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 who are busy nowadays. Despite its positive consequences, the importance of
relationship
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the relationship
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 between
parents
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 and their
children
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 should not be underestimated. I believe that going to
school
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 earlier has
same
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the same
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 meaning as spending less
time
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 together.
Moreover
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, attachment, which can
get
Verb problem
be obtained
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 from
appropriate
Correct article usage
an appropriate
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 relationship between family, plays a vital role in the future career and quality of life.
For instance
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, some psychology research revealed that individuals who have secure
attachment
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attachments
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 will get a high salary and show an adaptive interpersonal relationship, leading to be more happy. In conclusion,
while
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 some assert
children
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shoud
Correct your spelling
should
 go to
school
Use synonyms
 before the age of 7, I believe that it is more important to take more
time
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 with their
parents
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, when they are young, as it helps individuals develop personal traits and get psychological
supports
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support
show examples
.

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task achievement
Try to clearly define and elaborate on your opinion in the introduction. Although you stated your agreement, it could be more explicitly stated and developed throughout the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph contains a clear topic sentence that directly relates to your argument. This will make it easier for the reader to follow your line of thought.
task achievement
When providing examples, ensure they are relevant and clearly linked to your argument. This strengthens your main points and makes them more convincing.
positive
The introduction clearly sets up the discussion by presenting both views, and the conclusion succinctly summarizes your opinion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • emotional development
  • cognitive development
  • play-based learning
  • creativity
  • problem-solving skills
  • social skills
  • cooperation
  • communication
  • structured environment
  • learning disabilities
  • developmental delays
What to do next:
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