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Writing Samples
Band 7

The charts below show the number of tourists to Australia from three countries in 1995 and 2005 and the types of travels between 1995 and 2005. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make the comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the number of tourists to Australia from three countries in 1995 and 2005 and the types of travels between 1995 and 2005. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make the comparisons where relevant.
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The bar chart depicts the
number
Use synonyms
 of
visitors
Use synonyms
 from three countries travelling to Australia in 1995 and 2005. Meanwhile, the line chart illustrates the
number
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 engaging in two different types of travelling from 1995 to 2005.
Overall
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 there were
much
Fix the agreement mistake
many
show examples
 more
visitors
Use synonyms
 coming from Japan than the other nations in 1995, the opposite pattern can be seen in 2005.
Additionally
Linking Words
, staying at resorts was consistently the preference for tourists throughout the period. Looking at the bar chart, in 1995, 500,000
people
Use synonyms
 from the US visited Australia, twice the
Use synonyms
visitors
Correct quantifier usage
number of visitors
show examples
 from the US.
However
Linking Words
, these figures
then
Linking Words
 significantly increased to approximately 1,500,000, which was
also
Linking Words
 the figure for Japanese
visitors
Use synonyms
 in 1995. Many travellers from Japan,
however
Linking Words
, did not continue to choose Australia as a destination to visit in 2005. In terms of two types of travelling, in 1995, there were more than 1,600,000
visitors
Use synonyms
 choosing resorts for their holiday;
however
Linking Words
, only 250,000
people
Use synonyms
 went backpacking. After that, both figures rose modestly at the same rate. The
number
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 of
people
Use synonyms
 staying in resorts reached its peak of over 2,500,000 in 2000 before plummeting to only over 1,000,000
at the end
Linking Words
 of the period. Witnessing the different trend, more
people
Use synonyms
 tended to backpacking after 2000 and
this
Linking Words
number
Use synonyms
 reached over 1,000,000 in 2005, which was nearly as high as the other type.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, visitors, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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