IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that climate has the greatest effect on people’s way of life. Others believe that the economy of the region has the greatest effect. Discuss both views and give your opinion

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Unquestionably, every coin has two sides, and so are the
people
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. Society's
people
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 are divided into two groups, some multitudes reckon that the change in climate has had a huge
effect
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 on the lives of
people
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,
whereas
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 other says that the economy makes it difficult.
This
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 essay will compare and contrast both notions,
along with
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 my opinion, which is in favour of the latter view, will be discussed in a sensible conclusion. Initiating with the points supporting the first school of thought,
firstly
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, the level of pollution increases day by day. As citizen use their own vehicles to go to work
instead
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 of public transport,
due to
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 the ease of travel, it increases air pollution.
As a consequence
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,
people
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 suffer from several problems,
such
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 as asthma.
Secondly
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, in the summer, the level of heat increases, glaciers melt, and
people
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 are not able to stay outside. They sit under the air conditioners to stay relaxed.
As a result
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, they get huge amounts of electric bills, which are hard to pay for middle-class
people
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.
On the contrary
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, individuals who hold another viewpoint say that the economy of the region has the greatest impact. They believe that inflation is the utmost reason, which has a huge
effect
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 on the lives of
people
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. The price of rudimentary needs is higher, so poor
people
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 cannot afford these things, and they face starvation.
Moreover
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, the government cannot provide enough resources so that the poor
people
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 can earn their bread and living.
Therefore
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, they become beggars to
fulfill
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fulfil
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 the dreams of their children.
For example
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, the survey shows that 45% of
people
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 become beggars because the higher authority does not give them opportunities to showcase their skills.
To conclude
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, I would like to say that the economic
effect
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 is major than the climate
effect
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.
However
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, it will depend upon the mindsets of the multitudes
that
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and
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 which view they are in favour of.

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task response
Ensure that both sides are clearly articulated and given balanced attention before stating your opinion. You may want to avoid phrases like 'my opinion, which is in favour of the latter view, will be discussed' as it can come off as formulaic.
coherence cohesion
While your essay has a nice flow, you can further improve coherence by using more varied linking words and phrases to show relationships between ideas clearly and logically, such as 'on the other hand', 'furthermore', or 'consequently'.
task response
Provide more specific examples or data, particularly regarding the economic viewpoint, to strengthen your argument and make it more persuasive. This can also help clarify the points you make.
introduction
Your introduction effectively sets up the essay and presents both viewpoints, alongside your standpoint which is crucial for an IELTS essay.
supported main points
The points raised regarding air pollution and heat effects are relevant and demonstrate an understanding of the topic, showing you can identify real-world impacts.
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