IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that the best way to improve roads safety would be to increase minimum legal age for driving cars or riding motobikes. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Each country has different regulations
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 driving
Add an article
a car
the car
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car
Fix the agreement mistake
cars
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 or riding
Correct article usage
a motobike
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motobike
Correct your spelling
motorbike
motorbikes
, which are connected with the number of accidents on the roads.
Hence
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, these make some people believe that the way to improve road safety would be to increase
minimum
Correct article usage
the minimum
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 legal
age
Use synonyms
.
This
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 essay will describe
on
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apply
show examples
the agreement and disagreement of
this
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 content.
Firstly
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, most countries have a standard legal
age
Use synonyms
 for driving between 18 to 20 years old.
This
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 range
of
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apply
show examples
age
Use synonyms
 is still in the time of studying,
which
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 is not ready to take responsibility for the actual accident.
Furthermore
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,
this
Linking Words
 generation does not reach the one's majority, so the decision
while
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 they are driving is not proper enough to join the road.
Secondly
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, the regulations of driving or riding
also
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 affect
to
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apply
show examples
the percentage of casualties,
for example
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, the level of punishment, driving license examination, or the strictness of traffic police. We can see in general that countries that have a
little
Correct word choice
small
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 amount of
accident
Fix the agreement mistake
accidents
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 have difficult and rigorous regulations, like Japan,
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
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, or Switzerland.
In addition
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, it means that even though we are 18 years old, if we pass
this
Linking Words
 hard examination, we will understand the legal and drive peacefully. For my personal, I half agree on increasing the minimum legal year, because it is not the main reason to enhance
roads
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road
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 safety. The level of laws has been more effective
to
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in
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 reducing unusual behaviors on the road. In conclusion, increasing
legal
Correct article usage
the legal
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age
Use synonyms
 for driving might suit and work in some
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
,
Linking Words
however
Add the comma(s)
however,
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 if
everyone
Add a verb
everyone is
everyone was
show examples
 strict on the laws, either adults or elders will drive
in
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apply
show examples
safety
Replace the word
safely
show examples
.

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Task Achievement
Provide a clearer thesis statement in your introduction that outlines both sides of the argument more distinctly.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure to clarify your points in each paragraph with clearer topic sentences that directly relate to your main argument.
Task Achievement
Expand on your ideas with more supporting arguments or examples. Your points about responsibility and regulations need more detail to be comprehensive.
Coherence and Cohesion
You present a balanced view by stating both agreement and disagreement, which adds depth to your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay structure is clear, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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