IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

It is sometimes possible to pay somebody to do things you don’t want to do, or don't have time to do, for example household chores or looking after children. Is this a good way of providing work for others? Should people do these things for themselves?

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In
this
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 contemporary epoch, most individuals have a hectic schedule because sometimes they are busy
in
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with
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 professional
jobs
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 and sometimes
in
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apply
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taking care of their family members. Nowadays,
people
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 prefer to hire some workers to take care of their house and sometimes even their kids, it has a lot of benefits for them and their workers, but in my opinion, it should not be encouraged.
This
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 essay will delve into the reason why it is beneficial to hire
people
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 for
such
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jobs
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 and will lead to a logical conclusion as well.
To begin
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 with, the most prominent reason to support the statement is that it helps to reduce the level of stress of working
people
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. In
this
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 competitive world, humans are relentlessly busy working, and they even forget about their breakfast, lunch, or dinner times
thus
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, hiring
people
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 helps them
to
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get proper nutrition
along with
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 that
household
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 workers take care of family members as well including children and old ones.
Furthermore
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, generally rich or middle class hire
household
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 employees; they help to provide security and company to their little ones as they are not alone anymore at home when their guardians are working out.
On the other hand
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,
this
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 process provides employment to the needy
people
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 especially, women are hired for these
jobs
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 at relatively high wage rates. In my opinion,
this
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 procedure provides working individuals more flexibility and relaxation by bringing differences between the relations of guardians and their kids because adults spend more time with caretakers rather than parents.
Thus
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, they do not spend quality time together and their relationships get weak.
Moreover
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, spending money on
household
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 chores is not beneficial because these simple
jobs
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 must be carried out by individual families themselves as
due to
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 office
jobs
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, they have already opted for a sedentary lifestyle so, these activities can act as physical exercise for them like sweeping and moping.
Hence
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, these must be done by them themselves.
To conclude
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, as per the matrimonial mentioned above, it is crystal clear that
although
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, hiring employees for
household
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 purposes has benefits
but
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apply
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, it is always more approachable to carry out those tasks by themselves.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that every paragraph clearly links back to the main thesis. Some points, like the impact on relationships, could be more explicitly tied to the question of whether hiring help is advisable.
task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to illustrate your points. For instance, you mentioned that hiring help can bring security to children, but more specific scenarios or data would strengthen the argument.
task achievement
While your arguments are generally clear, using varied sentence structures can add more depth to your writing. Also, watch for repetition of phrases such as 'household chores' to avoid redundancy.
task achievement
You might want to develop each point a bit more to provide a more comprehensive view. This would help to improve both the clarity and relevance of the examples you provide.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction is strong and gives a clear indication of what the essay will cover. It sets up the reader's expectations effectively.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion effectively summarizes your points and reiterates your main argument, tying everything together neatly.
logical structure
The essay is logically structured, with each paragraph focusing on a single main idea, making it easy to follow.
complete response
You have considered multiple aspects of the question, analyzing both the benefits and drawbacks of hiring help.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • employment opportunities
  • specialization
  • productivity
  • work-life balance
  • economic benefits
  • independent contractors
  • life skills
  • self-sufficiency
  • financial expense
  • job creation
  • delegate tasks
  • time management
  • personal well-being
  • stress alleviation
  • household chores
  • flexible work
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