IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some children can learn efficiently by watching TV. Therefore, they should be encouraged to watch TV both at home and at school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is believed by some that
television
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 is an effective mode of teaching, so
children
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 should be motivated to watch
television
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 both at home and at
school
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.
While
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,
TV
Use synonyms
 is a good educational tool, too much exposure to
TV
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 both at
school
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 and at home is not beneficial for
children
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. Admittedly,
TV
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 can be a powerful source of learning for
children
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. Being an audio-visual part of learning more effective results can be achieved.
Apart from
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this
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, what
children
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 can see is always retained for longer in their minds.
For instance
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, a boring history subject can become more interesting when it is presented on the screen, and
children
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 can learn more efficiently from it.
However
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, if
children
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 can watch
TV
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 for longer hours in
school
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, it will reduce their interaction with the teachers and with fellow students. Teachers teach a lot of things to students apart from academics. The level of things learned at
school
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 will come to an end.
Moreover
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, it will diminish their reading habits when they learn from
television
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.
Consequently
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, it would leave a detrimental impact on their holistic development.
Furthermore
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, watching
TV
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 for longer hours at home can
also
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 distract students from their studies. Watching
TV
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 talk shows and movies for longer hours leads to the wastage of time and does not provide any thorough knowledge about studies.
For example
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, watching shows on the National Geographic channel only entertains people and cannot replace the knowledge of books and academic literature. In conclusion,
although
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TV
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 is a good educational tool, it should be used within limits and the things which
children
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 learn from
television
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 should be monitored by parents and teachers.

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task response
Consider providing a clearer stance in your introduction. You mention both sides but could benefit from stating your position more explicitly.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea to improve clarity and cohesion.
task response
Expand your examples further. While they are relevant, providing more detail or additional examples can strengthen your arguments.
task response
Your essay presents a balanced view, acknowledging both the benefits and drawbacks of television as a learning tool.
task response
The use of examples to illustrate your points is commendable, especially in discussing the impact of TV on learning.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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