IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Many
people
Use synonyms
 believe that saving
money
Use synonyms
 is essential for everyone, young
people
Use synonyms
in particular
Linking Words
.
However
Linking Words
, I partially agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement.
While
Linking Words
 savings play an important role as a source of
money
Use synonyms
 when
people
Use synonyms
 become older, youngsters can spend
money
Use synonyms
 on their desired activities by having
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
good financial planning. It is undeniable that saving
money
Use synonyms
 is significantly important because savings will be a source of
money
Use synonyms
 for older
people
Use synonyms
, especially after retirement. Many companies do not hire
people
Use synonyms
 who are older than 60 years old;
therefore
Linking Words
, elders have to live without monthly salaries. Meanwhile, there is no income after
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
retirement,
individuals
Use synonyms
 still need
money
Use synonyms
 to stay alive. Regarding capitalism, many services,
such
Linking Words
 as housing, healthcare, and transportation charge
people
Use synonyms
 to operate. If citizens do not save
money
Use synonyms
, there will be
struggle
Correct article usage
a struggle
show examples
 to acquire these services.
For example
Linking Words
, many old patients cannot afford good medical treatments because they do not have sufficient
money
Use synonyms
 and they
finally
Linking Words
 end up with simple care, making their lives suffer.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it is not essential to save all
money
Use synonyms
 earned, young
individuals
Use synonyms
 should prioritize financial management that allows them to pay for desired experiences. Many activities
are suit
Change the verb form
are suited
show examples
 for a certain age because they rely on the physical health of participants
such
Linking Words
 as extreme sports.
Hence
Linking Words
, if young
people
Use synonyms
 want to attend
those activity
Change the determiner
that activity
those activities
show examples
, they have to experience them since they are still strong enough and manage their finances wisely.
For instance
Linking Words
,
individuals
Use synonyms
 can divide their
money
Use synonyms
 into several pockets, including savings,
investment
Fix the agreement mistake
investments
show examples
, and essential expenditures. After doing that, they will know how much
money
Use synonyms
 they have left and can spend the remaining
money
Use synonyms
 on other experiences. In conclusion, some
people
Use synonyms
 think that saving
money
Use synonyms
 is crucial for everyone, especially young ones. I partially agree with
this
Linking Words
 view as
money
Use synonyms
 is essential to stay alive, after
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
retirement
in particular
Linking Words
.
However
Linking Words
, if young
individuals
Use synonyms
 manage their
money
Use synonyms
 effectively, they can still spend
money
Use synonyms
 on what they truly want.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
The introduction could be slightly stronger by clearly outlining the main points that will be discussed in the essay. A more detailed thesis statement would give the reader a clearer understanding of your position.
coherence and cohesion
Try to enhance the transitions between paragraphs and ideas. Using linking phrases can improve the flow of your argument and help guide the reader through your points more effectively.
task achievement
Include more specific examples or data to support your claims. For instance, providing statistics or more detailed anecdotes would strengthen your argument regarding the importance of saving and financial planning.
overall impression
Your essay presents a balanced view on the topic, showing both sides of the argument which is commendable.
content
You provide relevant ideas about the necessity of saving and managing finances which contribute well to your argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • safety net
  • unforeseen circumstances
  • emergencies
  • future investments
  • retirement planning
  • financial discipline
  • habit of saving
  • amassing wealth
  • substantial fund
  • opportunity cost
  • additional income
  • inflation
  • purchasing power
What to do next:
Look at other essays: