IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that criminals should be put into prison as long as possible. However, others believe that it is necessary to educate those people in local community. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

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There is
ongoing
Add an article
an ongoing
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 debate about whether criminals should be put into
the
Correct article usage
apply
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jail
while
Linking Words
 some argue that it is better to provide
education
Use synonyms
 to them.
This
Linking Words
 essay will delve into both the views
along with
Linking Words
 my own perspective in forthcoming paragraphs. Proponents of the first view argue that they should be punished by sending them to
prisons
Fix the agreement mistake
prison
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. First of all, it helps
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society by removing individuals who have committed harmful acts.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it gives them a valuable lesson that they should not repeat the same mistake in life.
Last
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 but not
the
Correct article usage
apply
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least, it ensures that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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justice is served to the victims and their families. Take an example of
Survey
Correct article usage
a Survey
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 conducted by 'The Time News' shows that almost 78% of people opted the prison as a punishment for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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offenders over
education
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
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, critics argue that
education
Use synonyms
 can help them to be
a
Correct article usage
apply
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responsible and productive
member
Fix the agreement mistake
members
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 of society as
mostly
Correct your spelling
most
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 people
do
Verb problem
commit
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 minor crimes just because they are unemployed and
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 no source of income.
Therefore
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,
such
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 people should be educated.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
education
Use synonyms
 fosters personal growth as they understand the consequences of doing
such
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 acts. It
also
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improve
Change the verb form
improves
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 social skills, making
easier
Correct pronoun usage
it easier
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more
Correct your spelling
for
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 them to integrate
to
Change preposition
into
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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society. In conclusion, Providing punishment and
education
Use synonyms
 has
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
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 own importance.
According to
Linking Words
 me, solely
depends
Verb problem
apply
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on
education
Use synonyms
 is not
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 effective way to get rid of big criminals.
Education
Use synonyms
 should be only for those who
commits
Change the verb form
commit
show examples
 small crimes
such
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 as theft but not for those who commit murders.

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task achievement
Make sure to express your opinion more clearly in the introduction and conclusion, as this will strengthen your overall argument.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that you have a smooth flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs, using linking words more consistently to enhance coherence.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples or statistical evidence to support your arguments, as this adds depth and credibility to your points.
coherence and cohesion
Review sentence structures for clarity; some sentences can be simplified for better understanding.
task achievement
The essay effectively presents both viewpoints, demonstrating an understanding of the topic and balancing the arguments.
task achievement
The use of an example from a survey adds some support to the viewpoint of punishment, which is commendable.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • deterrent
  • rehabilitation
  • incarceration
  • reoffending
  • vocational training
  • community integration
  • punishment
  • reform
  • criminal justice system
  • underlying issues
  • economic impact
  • productive members of society
  • harsh penalties
  • protection of society
  • root causes of crime
  • successful reintegration
What to do next:
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