IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that the Internet has brought people closer together, while others think it has isolated them

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There is a debate over whether the
internet
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 helped
people
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 to strengthen bonds with each other ,
while
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 others think it has caused them to become more isolated. In my opinion, it has distanced
people
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 from each other. On one hand,the
internet
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 helps
people
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 to communicate better.Social media like Telegram,Facebook and Instagram have many functions like sharing information sharing photos,and sending messages to someone.
For example
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, during the pandemic, many
people
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 used Zoom and other apps to connect with loved ones and avoid loneliness.
Furthermore
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, the
internet
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 creates opportunities to meet new
people
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 and join online communities with similar interests.
On the other hand
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,some
people
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 think the
internet
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 makes
people
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 more alone. Many
people
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 spend too much time on their phones or computers and don’t talk to others in real life.
For example
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, nowadays more and more children don’t want to go outside, and they prefer to sit at home and play on their mobile phones or watch something.They might feel lonely or sad because they don’t go outside or meet
people
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 face to face. In conclusion,the
internet
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 works as a means of omitting the distance between
people
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 bringing them closer, if it is used appropriately.

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task achievement
Make sure to include clear arguments for both sides of the debate in a balanced way, addressing the strengths and weaknesses of each perspective.
coherence and cohesion
Add transitional phrases between ideas to enhance the flow and make your argument clearer. This will help the reader to follow your thoughts more easily.
task achievement
Consider expanding your examples, particularly in the second body paragraph, to include a variety of scenarios that illustrate your point about isolation.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your opinion, which is an important aspect of task response.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples that helped to illustrate your points, particularly about the use of technology during the pandemic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • E-commerce
  • Consumer behavior
  • Virtual marketplace
  • Cybersecurity
  • Digital footprint
  • Return policy
  • Comparison shopping
  • Customer reviews
  • Retail therapy
  • Logistics
  • User interface
  • Payment gateway
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