IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that the internet has brought people closer together while others think it has isolated them.

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There is a debate over
the
Rephrase
how the
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internet
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 has helped bridge distances between
people
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. Others
arguing
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argue
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 it has made them feel alone. In my opinion the former is true as the
internet
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 has enabled instant communication,
allowed
Correct word choice
and allowed
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people
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 to maintain relationships across great distances. On the one hand, the
internet
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 brings
people
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 together by allowing them to connect and communicate with others from all parts of the world.
Moreover
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, it provides a platform for sharing information, ideas and
also
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 experiences creating a sense of community and fostering relationships.
For instance
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, a lot of
people
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 found like-minded
people
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 on social media and became friends in real
life
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.
Secondly
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, via a network,
people
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 can find and talk with their relatives who live in remote areas,
also
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 when they have no opportunities come to them.
On the other hand
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,the
internet
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also
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 has drawbacks.
People
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 claim that using the
internet
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 as a new format of community is detrimental in real
life
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.
For example
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, they may mention that talking with
people
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 in real
life
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 will be painful for society, but individuals cannot remember contact
due to
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 the
internet
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.
In addition
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, it impacts their
life
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 because they depend on the
internet
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 which
internet
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become
Correct subject-verb agreement
becomes
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 a more comfortable place for connection than talking in real
life
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. In conclusion,
it is clear that
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 the
internet
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 has pros and cons which depend on how you use
this
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 tool. I prefer to believe that the
internet
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 is very beneficial if you use it wisely.

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task achievement
Your introduction clearly presents the topic, but try to clarify your position a bit more explicitly. Additionally, make sure your thesis statement reflects the structure of your essay more clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that there is a space after commas for better readability. Also, consider making your paragraphs more distinct; using clear topic sentences at the start of each will help.
task achievement
In your supporting ideas, your examples could be more specific to strengthen your arguments. Rather than using general statements, providing specific instances or studies could enhance your points significantly.
task achievement
You present a balanced discussion of the topic, addressing both sides of the argument. This shows a good understanding of the task.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion does a nice job of summarizing your main points and restating your opinion, which adds to the clarity of your essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • E-commerce
  • Consumer behavior
  • Virtual marketplace
  • Cybersecurity
  • Digital footprint
  • Return policy
  • Comparison shopping
  • Customer reviews
  • Retail therapy
  • Logistics
  • User interface
  • Payment gateway
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