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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The Pie chart below show the main reasons why agricultural land becomes Iess productivitive. The table showsn how these causes affected regions of the world during the 1990s.

The Pie chart below show the main reasons why agricultural land becomes Iess productivitive. The table showsn how these causes affected regions of the world during the 1990s.
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The pie chart illustrates the specific reasons why agricultural
land
Use synonyms
 becomes less
productivitive
Correct your spelling
productive
, the table illustrates how these causes affected regions of the world during the 1990s.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 region
Europe
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 was the highest in most of the causes
worldwide
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of worldwide
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land
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degradtion
Correct your spelling
degradation
 and
the
Correct article usage
apply
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Oceania
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 was the next , in the
end
Add the comma(s)
end,
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
North
America
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. Looking at
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
North
America
Use synonyms
 in more detail the deforestation of it is 0.2 and the over-cultivation at 3.3 , the over-grazing
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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is 1.5 and the total
land
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degaded
Correct your spelling
degraded
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
North
America
Use synonyms
 is 5% . As for
region
Fix the agreement mistake
regions
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Europe
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 and
Oceania
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was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
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 the highest , the deforestation
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
Europe
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accounting
Wrong verb form
accounted
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of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 9.8 and 7.7 of over-cultivation , over-grazing was 5.5 and the total
land
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 degraded
of
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apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Europe
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 was 23% , for the
Oceania
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deforestaion
Correct your spelling
deforestation
 of it was 1.7 and the over-cultivations 0
then
Linking Words
 the over-grazing was 11.3 so the total 13% .
However
Linking Words
, in the
Correct your spelling
deforestation
defrestation
Add a comma
defrestation,
show examples
Europe
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 was the highest and the lowest it
Oceania
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 , for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
over-cultivation the highest was
Europe
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 and the lowest was
Oceania
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 , as for over-grazing the highest was
Oceania
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 and the lowest
North
Add a missing verb
was North
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America
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. In the end ,
total
Correct article usage
the total
show examples
land
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 degraded the highest was
Use synonyms
Europe
Change preposition
in Europe
show examples
 and the lowest was
North
Change preposition
in North
show examples
America
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the sixth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words land, europe, oceania, america with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "illustrates" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the sixth paragraph.
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