People believe that they should be able to keep all the money they earn and should not pay tax to the state. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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It is sometimes asserted that a
country
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might economically benefit from its citizens working longer
hours
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;
however
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, there are far-reaching
repercurssions
Correct your spelling
repercussions
at the societal level. I completely agree with
this
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assertion as increased time commitment can result in elevated national gross product
as well as
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certain social problems. On the one hand, it is undeniable that longer working
hours
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contribute significantly to a
country
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's economic growth. When people work more
hours
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, they produce more goods and services, which boosts the nation's GDP.
For instance
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, countries like Japan and South Korea, known for their long working
hours
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, have achieved remarkable economic growth.
This
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increased
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increase
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in productivity and economic output demonstrates how extended working
hours
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can drive economic success.
Consequently
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, a longer working time can indeed enhance a
country
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's economic performance.
On the other hand
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, beyond economic ramifications, I
also
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support the argument that countries are faced with several issues
resulted
Change the form of the verb
resulting
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from prolonged working
hours
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. Supervisors and managers are decreasing public health as working extra durations generally
lead
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leads
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people to burnout
while
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leaving them mostly no room for physical exercise. If
this
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condition lingers on, they might experience health problems
such
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as obesity. What is more, overly-occupied people might suffer from loneliness caused by the shortage of time for quality social interactions. From the employees' perspective, chronic work-related stress resulting from overtime can pose a significant threat to their well-being, encompassing not only physical ailments but
also
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mental disorders
such
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as depression and insomnia.
For example
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, many professionals in China are deficient in casual outings since they are required to work about 12
hours
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every day, severely affecting their social
relationship
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relationships
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. Another clear indicator is that in Japan,
for instance
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, the phenomenon of 'karoshi' (suicide by overwork)
shed
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sheds
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lights
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light
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on the severe health impacts of excessive working
hours
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.
Therefore
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, these consequences are increasingly exerting adverse effects on social stability. In conclusion, I wholeheartedly agree that longer commitment at work causes social issues despite its benefits to a
country
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's economic output.
hence
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, countries should strongly invest in technical initiatives so that employees can have
work-life
Correct article usage
a work-life
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balance in their careers.

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Task Achievement
Ensure that your introduction clearly outlines your position on the topic and gives a brief overview of your main points. A strong thesis statement will guide your essay effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
In the main body paragraphs, consider adding clearer topic sentences to guide the reader through your arguments. This will help improve the logical flow of your ideas.
Task Achievement
Try to incorporate more specific examples and statistics that illustrate your points further. This can enhance the relevance and credibility of your arguments.
Task Achievement
The essay presents a clear stance on the issue and provides a balanced view, discussing both the economic benefits and the social repercussions of longer working hours.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your vocabulary is varied and mostly appropriate, which adds depth to your arguments. Phrases like 'burnout,' 'casual outings,' and 'karoshi' are particularly effective in illustrating your points.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • contribute
  • welfare
  • public services
  • progressive taxation
  • distribution of wealth
  • civic duty
  • social cohesion
  • tax evasion
  • economic disparities
  • social unrest
  • individual rights
  • societal responsibilities
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