IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

You recently visited a store and did not like the customer service there. Write a letter to the store manager and say: 1) What was the issue there? 2) Why wasn't the staff helpful? 3)Suggest what can be done about it?

#store #customer #service #manager #wasn #staff
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Dear manager, You have a beautiful dress I really like your dress. I prefer your store and I recommend
to
Correct pronoun usage
it to
show examples
 my friends. I recently visited your store so I like one dress but I did not find my own size. I ask the store
staff
. The
staff
 did not helpfully for me she was very rude and she yelled at me. She said, 'If you do not find it, how can I find it?'
This
 is the first time I encountered
such
 a situation. In my opinion, she is very upset so
for
this
 reason, she yelled at me. I am really looking for
this
 situation. I understand the
staff
 because they are very busy and they talk the people all the time and they always stand. You should be talking to your
staff
. I did not want to talk because I was very angry. You know all the
staff
 she is very kind and helpful but I see
first
Change the article
the first
show examples
 time. I hope you can speak with understanding. I am waiting for your return. Kind regards.
Submitted by kubrairmak287 on

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organization
Make sure each paragraph focuses on a single idea to improve clarity.
language
Use more precise language to describe your feelings and suggestions.
coherence
Use connectors to improve the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs.
tone
The letter begins with a polite greeting and ends with a courteous closing, maintaining a respectful tone throughout.
task achievement
You provided detailed information about the issue and your feelings toward the store, which helps in giving context to your complaint.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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