Some people think that students in high school should study music as a compulsory school subject. Others believe that such a requirement would be a waste of valuable school study time. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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One of the important concerns to parents is the quality of education so some of them think that students in high

school

Use synonyms

should study

music

Use synonyms

as a compulsory

school

Use synonyms

curriculum.

While

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others believe

that is

Linking Words

a waste of valuable

school

Use synonyms

study time. In

this

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essay, I will discuss both views by giving examples

and

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

providing reasons for both views and

give

Wrong verb form

giving

show examples

my opinion. On the one hand, there are two main reasons behind

this

Linking Words

perspective that explain why they believe it is significant to learn

music

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Change preposition

show examples

high

school

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First,

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some research has proved that

Music

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and Art are associated with creativity by motivating the responsible part of creativity in the brain. These studies focused on a particular age group which is 15 to 18 years old. To illustrate, the anatomy of the brain is complex but there is a chance to measure the changes by observing the changes before and after the motivation which shows a magnificent success.

Secondly

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, give the students an opportunity to try the musical subject if they want to choose

this

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profession or not.

For instance

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, if a student wants to go to a musical college he has the experience before he makes a decision.

On the other hand

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, people who are against that have one main reason which is young people should use their valuable time in the crucial curriculums.

Such

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Remove the comma

apply

show examples

mathematics, sciences, and literature regardless of what they can get from

music

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and creativity they believe in basics and the enormous concern that they have is

approach

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approaching

show examples

the high quality of education in basics.

Moreover

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, distraction

the

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in the

show examples

learning process is a magnificent mistake

besides

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the important is what they learn not how much they learn.

For example

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, the big load of subjects decrease their performance. From my point of view, I would say

music

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can be learned

out

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show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

school

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so it is not necessary to obligate students to study it.

This

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makes me agree with the second view. In conclusion, the quality of education must come

first,

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initially

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that

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show examples

the main purpose, so we can not distract young people with minor curriculums.

In addition

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music

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can be useful outside the

school

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time.

salehsf109Sat Apr 19 2025

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task response

It would be beneficial to present your opinion more prominently within the introduction and conclusion to enhance clarity for the reader.

coherence cohesion

Improving the logical flow between your paragraphs can help the reader follow your arguments more easily. Consider adding transition phrases between points.

task response

You provided a balanced discussion of both views, which is a positive aspect of your essay.

task response

The use of examples from research and personal experiences adds depth to your arguments.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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13
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

361 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

compulsory
cognitive abilities
academic performance
creativity
self-expression
artistic talents
interpersonal skills
pressure
core academic subjects
disengagement
optional subjects
elective subjects

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Some people think that students in high school should study music as a compulsory school subject. Others believe that such a requirement would be a waste of valuable school study time. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Many people believe that social networking sites have had a huge negative atibe impact on both individuals and society. To what extent do you agree.

Nowadays nations are becoming more interesting and developing better thanks to mixing of different nationalities and cultures. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

some people believe that radio is the best way to get news while others think that television is better for this purpose. Discuss both views and give your opinion with relevant examples.