IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

One long-distance flight consumes fuel which a car uses in several years’ time, but they cause the same amount of pollution. So some people think that we should discourage non-essential flights, such as tourist travel, rather than to limit the use of cars. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Nowadays, an increasing number of
people
Use synonyms
 are concerned about the transportation
method
Fix the agreement mistake
methods
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 of travel. Some
people
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 believe that fights consume too much fuel which we should discourage,
while
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 others argue that we only need to restrict the use of private
cars
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. In my point of view, we should limit
the
Correct article usage
apply
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car use on the road
instead
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 of reducing flights which is useless. First and foremost, the
flight
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 can save more
time
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. Especially for long-distance travel, road transportation is much more
time
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-consuming which may take plenty of days,
while
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 the plane only occupies several hours. Some
people
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 consider
time
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 as a very essential factor, which means they think the wasted
time
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 can be used to do many other things,
such
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 as working and exercising.
As a result
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, the
flight
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 will be a better choice
instead
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 of
cars
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.
Secondly
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, flights can contribute significantly to the national economy. By expanding the network of air routes, more destinations can be reached by residents from different cities, which leads to more opportunities for local tourism. The number of tourists increases, so their consumption
such
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 as food, accommodation and some
souvenior
Correct your spelling
souvenirs
 can translate into rising local GDP.
As a result
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, the national economy will be boosted and economic growth will occur.
On the other hand
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, there is no doubt that
airplane
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aeroplane
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 consumes a much larger amount of fuel than
cars
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.
This
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 emission of gases especially carbon dioxide, is harmful to the environment. It follows that global warming and rising sea levels may have happened.
However
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, an
airplane
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aeroplane
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 can transport over 300 passengers per journey, a car typically carries only about 4-7
people
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, resulting in significant fossil fuel emissions from daily driving on the road.
This
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 emission level can often surpass that of a single
flight
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, so limiting the usage of private
cars
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 will be more useful. In conclusion, the
airplane
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aeroplane
show examples
 can boost the local economy and save
time
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.
However
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,
this
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 transportation method causes detrimental effects
to
Change preposition
on
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 the environment. Considering both the benefits and drawbacks of long-distance
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flight
Fix the agreement mistake
flights
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, I disagree with discouraging non-essential flights.

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Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction presents your opinion well, but it could more clearly outline the arguments you will discuss in the essay. This would improve the reader's understanding of your essay structure.
Coherence and Cohesion
In the conclusion, ensure it summarizes the key points made throughout the essay, reinforcing your position more explicitly. This will help in closing your argument more effectively.
Task Achievement
Some arguments presented could benefit from more specific examples. For instance, when discussing economic growth from tourism, mentioning specific countries or regions could strengthen the argument.
Task Achievement
Clarify certain phrases for a smoother reading experience. For example, 'which is useless' is vague and may come off as dismissive; rephrasing this could improve tone.
Task Achievement
The essay outlines strong arguments for the benefits of flights, including time-saving and economic advantages, which is a commendable approach.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your use of transitions between points is effective, leading the reader through your arguments clearly, enhancing overall coherence.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • carbon footprint
  • greenhouse gas emissions
  • sustainable travel
  • non-essential flights
  • tourist travel
  • climate change
  • eco-friendly technology
  • global economies
  • technological advancements
  • alternative solutions
  • high-speed rail
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