IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that governments should spend more money on public services rather than on the arts (e.g., music, painting, and theatre). To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is often argued how governments should allocate their funds.
While
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 many
people
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 believe that governments should allocate their funds primarily to
support
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 public
services
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 rather than
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
arts
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, I partly agree with
this
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 view and believe that
although
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 public
services
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 should receive the main
support
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 of budgets from the government, a reasonable portion should be allocated to
support
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 the
arts
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. On one hand, improving public
services
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,
such
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 as
health
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 and education, is necessary because it can significantly reduce social inequality. Today, these
services
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 are still limited to
people
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 with lower-income backgrounds,
due to
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 their financial constraints.
For instance
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, in many developing countries, children in rural areas struggle to access basic schooling, and hospitals often lack the resources to provide adequate care.
Nevertheless
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, when these
services
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 are made accessible to everyone, it will provide
people
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 with equal opportunities.
As a result
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, when
people
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 are well-educated and have good
health
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, society will contribute to a greater community, with a high possibility of lower unemployment and crime rates and better public
health
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.
On the other hand
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, the
arts
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 play a crucial role in our daily lives, especially
improving
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in improving
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people
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’s mental
health
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.
For example
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, music can help reduce stress and anxiety.
In addition
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, involvement in the
arts
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,
such
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 as visiting art museums, can stimulate creativity and productivity. It is often observed that the governments in many European countries,
such
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 as France and Germany, invest heavily to
support
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 the
arts
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, as it is believed to have a positive impact on their well-being and
overall
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 development. In conclusion,
while
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 investing funds in public
services
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 is essential, allocating an appropriate budget to
support
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 the
arts
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 is
also
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 crucial.
Therefore
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, I firmly believe that a balanced approach, where the budget is allocated reasonably, would benefit individuals, the economy and society as a whole.

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positive
Your introduction is clear and states your position well.
advise
Try to make your main points more distinct by using clear topic sentences for each paragraph.
advise
Some examples can be more specific or clearer to support your ideas better.
positive
Your conclusion nicely summarizes your points and restates your position clearly.
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