IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that governments should spend more money on public services rather than on the arts (e.g., music, painting, and theatre). To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There is an ongoing debate regarding how governments should allocate their spending.
While
Linking Words
 many argue that public funds should primarily be invested in essential
services
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as education and healthcare, others believe that the
arts
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 deserve significant support. In my point of view,
although
Linking Words
 public
services
Use synonyms
 should receive the majority of government funding, a reasonable portion should
also
Linking Words
 be allocated to supporting the
arts
Use synonyms
. On one hand, improving public
services
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as education and healthcare can significantly reduce social inequality. When these
services
Use synonyms
 are made accessible to everyone, they provide
people
Use synonyms
 with equal opportunities to succeed, regardless of their background.
As a result
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society may experience lower unemployment and crime rates and better health, all of which contribute to a greater community.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the
arts
Use synonyms
 play a crucial role in daily life, particularly in enhancing
people
Use synonyms
's mental health.
For example
Linking Words
, listening to music can help reduce stress and anxiety.
In addition
Linking Words
, engaging with the
arts
Use synonyms
 can stimulate creativity and improve productivity, which may contribute to career development. In many countries, governments allocate significant funds to support the
arts
Use synonyms
 for young
people
Use synonyms
, as it is believed to have a positive impact on their well-being and
overall
Linking Words
 development. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 investing more funds in public
services
Use synonyms
 is essential for fostering social equity, allocating an appropriate budget for the
arts
Use synonyms
 is
also
Linking Words
 important, as it can have a positive impact on
people
Use synonyms
's well-being.
Therefore
Linking Words
, a balanced approach, where both areas are adequately funded, would benefit society as a whole.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
While your essay presents a clear opinion, consider providing a more explicit statement of your main argument in the introduction. This will help guide the reader more effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay flows well, but some transitions between points could be enhanced to create smoother connections between ideas. For example, using linking phrases might improve the cohesion.
Task Achievement
Add one or two specific examples or statistics about the impact of art on society or the economy to strengthen your argument.
Task Achievement
You present a well-structured argument with clear points that support your opinion, demonstrating a solid understanding of the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction clearly states the topic and your position, which effectively sets the stage for your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and reiterates your viewpoint, providing a satisfying closure to your essay.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: