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Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Some people believe music plays an important role in society, while others think it is only a form of entertainment for individuals. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Introduction
Many
people
Use synonyms
 have different
perspetives
Correct your spelling
perspectives
 on
listing
Verb problem
listening
show examples
 to
music
Use synonyms
 , but to some
extent
Add a comma
extent,
show examples
 it plays a major role in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society and other
people
Use synonyms
 think that it is just for entertainment for each person. So in
this
Linking Words
 essay l will explain how it
affect
Change the verb form
affects
show examples
 the community and individuals.
Body paragraph 1
Moreover
Linking Words
, playing
music
Use synonyms
 is so essential to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society as it
teachs
Correct your spelling
teaches
 and
spead
Correct your spelling
spreads
 good behavior and culture. Playing sounds
also
Linking Words
 help because
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 can be used as a means of communication
for example
Linking Words
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 may be used to spread
awereness
Correct your spelling
awareness
 of drug abuse. Some
people
Use synonyms
 use
music
Use synonyms
 to celebrate certain events like birthday parties and
wedding
Fix the agreement mistake
weddings
show examples
 and
this
Linking Words
 will bring
people
Use synonyms
close
Replace the word
closer
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 to each other.
Body paragraph 2
However
Linking Words
,playing
music
Use synonyms
 is
also
Linking Words
 a form of entertainment for individuals because some use it when they a meditating. Other
people
Use synonyms
 use it to reduce stress when they are feeling lonely or depressed.
Conclusion
In conclusion, to
greater
Correct article usage
a greater
show examples
extent
Add a comma
extent,
show examples
music
Use synonyms
 plays a large role in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society as it is
fast
Add an article
a fast
show examples
 and easy way of communication. To a lesser extent l think it is a form of entertainment for individuals as it
control
Change the verb form
controls
show examples
 the lever of depression and stress.

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task achievement
Consider enhancing your introduction to clearly outline both perspectives and your opinion. This will provide a more focused structure for your essay.
task achievement
Make sure to provide specific examples that support your arguments more clearly. This would strengthen your points about music's role in society.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure you maintain clear paragraphing. Each paragraph should focus on one main idea and be clearly linked to the essay topic.
coherence and cohesion
Pay attention to spelling errors like 'perspectives,' 'teaches,' 'aware,' and 'level.' Correct spelling helps improve readability and overall impression.
task achievement
You have recognized both sides of the debate about music's role, which shows a balanced view of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay expresses a clear conclusion that summarizes your views effectively.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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