IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Doctors in many countries are saying that people are not getting enough physical exercise. What are the causes of this and how can it be addressed?

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In recent years, a growing number of doctors across the world have argued that individuals are not indulging in an appropriate amount of physical activity. There are several reasons for
this
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 trend
such
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 as advanced technology and hectic lifestyle
however
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 there are effective solutions that the government and individuals can implement to tackle
this
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 concern. The first and foremost major issue is that in the modern world
the
Correct article usage
apply
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technologies are developing rapidly which decreases the efforts to complete work.
For instance
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, as adults are so busy in their professional lives many household chores are completed effortless with the help of cleaning robotics.
Also
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, nowadays children spend more time playing video games
instead
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 of participating in sports activities.
Consequently
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, people are becoming more and more inactive
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this
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 results in major long-term health issues which are obesity and posture disturbance. To address the first problem, adults should manage their schedule and have to spend time doing some housework
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
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 on holidays.
Furthermore
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, higher authorities had better establish fitness clubs at business companies so that employees can access them free of cost and focus on their physical health.
Additionally
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, there should be awareness programs conducted by the government in schools and community events to aware the citizens about healthy eating and exercise.
For example
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, a study in the UK shows that 70% of BMI rates were improved in high school students
due to
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 regular lectures on healthy diet and physical activities.
To conclude
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, no doubt,
the
Correct word choice
that the
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 concern
of
Change preposition
about of
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 lack of exercise and healthy eating is increasing
Change preposition
at on
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on
Correct your spelling
an
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 alarming rate it can be resolved through
establishment
Add an article
the establishment
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 of affordable gyms, public parks, and playgrounds
along with
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 educational camps. Taking immediate
actions
Fix the agreement mistake
action
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 by the government and residents is crucial to prevent
further
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 negative consequences and
improving
Wrong verb form
improve
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overall
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 health.

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task achievement
Your essay addresses the task but could benefit from more elaboration on the suggested solutions. Consider providing more specific examples or details about how individuals can incorporate physical activity into their daily lives.
coherence and cohesion
While the structure is generally logical, some paragraphs could be better organized. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea that is developed with supporting details.
coherence and cohesion
You have some strong points, but occasional grammatical errors and awkward phrasing can distract from your message. Consider reviewing your grammar and sentence structure for clarity and fluency.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples to support your points, particularly related to the impact of technology on exercise.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main issues and possible solutions, reinforcing the overall message of your essay.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • digital entertainment
  • physical inactivity
  • recreational facilities
  • modern conveniences
  • remote work
  • high stress levels
  • streaming services
  • video games
  • social media
  • physical activity
  • accessibility
  • public awareness campaigns
  • health benefits
  • habit formation
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