IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Countries around the world will be facing significant challenges relating not only to the environment, but population and education as well. What problems will most countries face in the next ten years? How can these issues be solved? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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t has become a great concern for the future of all the nations globally that they will be facing certain challenges regarding environment ,population and education.
However
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, fundamental solutions must be adopted to prevent the
occurance
Correct your spelling
occurrence
 of these pressing
issues
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. Problems related to air pollution and overpopulation would be
more
Add an article
a more
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 harsh threat to developed countries and more specifically industrialized cities. The increased number of population, and excessive industrial production means more cars will be on the roads and more active factories in the area, leading to a threatening increase in the air pollution rate.
Consequently
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, if
this
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 trend continues to grow health
issues
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 like cardiac arrests and pulmonary disease would be uncontrollable. Another issue is
a
Correct article usage
the
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 risk of professional career shortage
due to
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 over-reliance on computer work. It is of big concern that medical schools, engineering and law are considered too difficult for students.
This
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 reluctance to pursue education in those fields is because easier subjects like computers
is
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are
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 dominating the world.
For instance
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, youth say they can earn higher salaries from software engineering and would not waste years studying medicine.
Firstly
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, to address
issues
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 regarding
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
 and populations, governments must provide jobs in less densely-populated regions to decrease the number of industries and cars in highly populated cities.
For example
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, grant them to launch their manufacturing line in newer low-populated areas to absorb the workers to live there and
therefore
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, the number of people living in different parts can be balanced and less pollution would risk their health.
Secondly
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, to get more students into professional schools, universities must give out salaries for those studying in certain fields to increase eagerness toward specific fields required for the future of the world like doctors and engineers. In conclusion,
while
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 the world is facing health
issues
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 arising from environmental and population
issues
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, and a shortage of individuals in certain educations, governments and universities can play fundamental roles in preventing and addressing these
issues
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
Ensure that all parts of the prompt are addressed in detail. For example, you could elaborate more on the solutions proposed.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clearer and more logical structure. It might help to have separate paragraphs for each problem and solution.
coherence and cohesion
Consider using more varied vocabulary and complex sentence structures to improve the overall quality of your writing.
content
The essay addresses important global issues, showing awareness of environmental and population challenges.
content
The writer provides relevant examples to illustrate points, making the argument more relatable.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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