IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Although nowadays many people have access to sports facilities, modern lifestyles are becoming less and less active. What problems are associated with this? How can people be persuaded to have a more active lifestyle?

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In today's world, thousands of amenities are available for
people
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 to do sports and make themselves healthy, but they become less productive because they do not have enough
time
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 for it. Several issues occur
due to
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this
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 lifestyle. There are many ways to combat it, which are discussed in the following paragraphs,
along with
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 the problems. Considering the problems
first,
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there are multiple causes of a hectic lifestyle. First and foremost,
people
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 do not have enough
time
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, they are busy with their work. As software engineers, individuals sit
at
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in
show examples
 one place for long hours, so they suffer from obesity. It not only causes them severe health issues
,
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apply
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 but
also
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 makes their body weak.
People
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 eat fast
food
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instead
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 of a healthy diet, which is full of nutrition.
For example
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, it is seen that the multitudes who eat homemade
food
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 live longer than others.
Hence
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, these are the problems which are faced by
people
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. Despite the aforementioned causes, there are many ways to resolve it.
Firstly
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, do regular exercise. When
people
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do
Unnecessary verb
apply
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exercise on a regular basis, they make their bodies healthier. They stay away from illness and live longer.
Furthermore
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, by eating good
food
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, citizens do not consume an unhealthy diet, which affects their bodies directly or indirectly.
For instance
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, a survey has been done by the researcher on
people
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 who exercise and eat good
food
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 in their daily routine.
Therefore
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,
this
Linking Words
 problem can be solved by taking the right steps at the right
time
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. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
people
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 have a hectic schedule, they can focus on their health by giving accurate
time
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. They can focus on their diet like
take
Verb problem
eating
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 three meals
in
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apply
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a day and they can do simple exercises at home in
evening
Add an article
the evening
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 to make their body relax.

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coherence and cohesion
Try to provide a clearer structure to your paragraphs to enhance the flow of ideas. Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and stick to it.
task achievement
Include more detailed examples to support your arguments. For instance, when you mention the benefits of exercise, you could provide a specific study or statistic.
coherence and cohesion
Consider varying your vocabulary and sentence structures to make your writing more engaging.
task achievement
The introduction clearly sets the context for the essay and outlines the key issues to be discussed.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion summarizes the discussion and reiterates the main point effectively.
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