IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 8

Movies and television shows should not be used to study history due to their lack of historical accuracy. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#movies #television #study #history #lack #accuracy
Some people hold the idea that TV shows and films, which are telecasted on various platforms, should be unacceptable
due to
 their risk of delivering misinformation on a number of historical events. I totally agree with
this
 assertion, as those movies are mainly created to gain profit, which is why history is interpreted in colourful cinematographic ways so that it will have the viewers on the edges of their seats and make them focus more on drama
instead
 of facts;
this
 I will meticulously discuss in the ensuing essay. First and foremost, one of the prominent goals of cinema is to illustrate an unrealistic picture of whatever masterpiece is being created.
Moreover
, irrespective of actual historical happenings, the majority of managers and operators of numerous projects are known for creating entertainment for their fan base in order to overcome the financial barriers, which appear during the production of the movie. A poignant example is after the catastrophic failure of Hollywood trying to reanimate ubiquitously famous historical events,
such
 as the ones taking place in "300 Spartans", they became notorious for neglecting the needs of their fans
while
 chasing money.
In addition
 to
this
, producers place immense importance on romance and drama between leading characters in order to make the show more attention-grabbing.
Hence
, historical accuracy undergoes huge changes, as television advertises love, hatred, and sexual relations of multiple personas from the past, which affects the accuracy of what actually happened.
For instance
, the widely known movie "Alexander The Great" about the famous Greek emperor was greeted with hostility among the target audience, as the main lead was illustrated as a representative of the LGBTQ+ community, which, obviously, cannot serve as an accurate fact. In light of
this
, from my point of view, the assertion that TV should be unacceptable for teaching purposes, as producers place a major focus on the personal lives of individuals from the past and a maniacal chase after profit.
Submitted by ani.gabrielyan.2006 on

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task achievement
In future essays, ensure you address potential counterarguments to strengthen your position. This will demonstrate a deeper level of critical thinking and balance.
task achievement
Work on the clarity of some sentences to ensure your ideas are easily understood. Avoid complex sentence structures which might obscure your main points.
coherence cohesion
While the essay has a good structure, try to ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. This will improve the overall flow of your argument.
introduction conclusion present
You have provided a clear introduction and conclusion, both of which effectively introduce and then summarize your argument.
supported main points
The supporting points in your essay are well-chosen and relevant to the main argument. Examples like '300 Spartans' and 'Alexander The Great' are effective in illustrating your points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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