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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The graph and chart below give information on the average daily maximum and minimum temperatures in degrees Celsius and the average number of days with rainfall each month for two Australian cities.

The graph and chart below give information on the average daily maximum and minimum temperatures in degrees Celsius and the average number of days with rainfall each month for two Australian cities.
A glance at the figures given illustrates the information on the average daily
temperatures
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 in degrees Celcius and the average amount of
days
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 with
rainfall
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 in
Brisbane
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 and
Canberra
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 in a year. Based on an
overall
Linking Words
 perspective, it can be seen that the highest temperature in both states
were
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was
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 in
February
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, which was 30
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degree
Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
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 for
Brisbane
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,
while
Linking Words
Canberra
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's highest temperature was 28
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degree
Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
show examples
celcius
Correct your spelling
celsius
. The highest amount of
rainfall
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 in
Brisbane
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 was 14
days
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 in 2 consecutive
months
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, from
February
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 to March.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the highest number of
rainfall
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 in
Canberra
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 was 10
days
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. From an initial figure, there were
fluctuative
Correct your spelling
fluctuating
 movements in average daily
temperatures
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 in
2
Correct article usage
the 2
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states. The maximum
temperatures
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 in
Brisbane
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 started at 27
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degree
Change to a plural noun
degrees
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 in
January
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 and it reached its peak in
February
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 by 30
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degree
Change to a plural noun
degrees
show examples
.
Then
Linking Words
 decreased to its lowest point at 21
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degree
Change to a plural noun
degrees
show examples
 in April.
Moreover
Linking Words
, in May it enhanced to around 2
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degree
Change to a plural noun
degrees
show examples
. The following month, it decreased to 22
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degree
Change to a plural noun
degrees
show examples
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, there were gradual
incrementals
Correct your spelling
increments
 in each
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months
Change to a singular noun
month
show examples
 until
December
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. For the maximum temperature in
Canberra
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, the beginning position was 26
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degree
Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
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 in
January
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.
Subsequently
Linking Words
, there
were
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was
show examples
gradual
Add an article
a gradual
the gradual
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 decline in the next
months
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 until reached its least position at 13
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degree
Change to a plural noun
degrees
show examples
 in July.
Then
Linking Words
, there
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
gradual
Correct article usage
a gradual
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 enhancement
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
 around 5 degrees from August to
December
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. There
were
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was
show examples
also
Linking Words
progressive
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a progressive
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 decline in both of these states in
minumum
Correct your spelling
minimum
temperatures
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 from
January
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 to
June
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. Both of these cities reached their bottom spots in July,
then
Linking Words
 they rose gradually to the end of the year. The
last
Linking Words
 figure showed the average number of
days
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 with
rainfall
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 in
Brisbane
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started
Wrong verb form
starting
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 at 13
days
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 in
January
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.
Then
Linking Words
, it reached its peak from
February
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 to March at 14
days
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it
decline
Change the verb form
declines
show examples
 gradually by around 2
days
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 in each
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months
Change to a singular noun
month
show examples
 to
June
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. There were stable amounts
at
Change preposition
for
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 7
days
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 from
June
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 to September.
In addition
Linking Words
, there
were
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was
show examples
gradual
Correct article usage
a gradual
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 enhancement from October to
December
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 by 2
days
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. In
Canberra
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, there
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
Correct article usage
a fluctuative
show examples
fluctuative
Correct your spelling
fluctuating
 number of
days
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 from
January
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 to
December
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. They reached their peak spots at 10
days
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 in
June
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, July, August and October. Their lowest position
at
Add a missing verb
was at
show examples
 7
days
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 in
January
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,
February
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, April, May, November and
December
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.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "moreover".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words temperatures, days, rainfall, brisbane, canberra, february, degree, months, january, december, june with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gradual" was used 6 times.
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