IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some say hosting a major international sporting event brings many benefits to that country. Others say it brings only disadvantages. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Some
people
Use synonyms
 contend that hosting a big international sporting event can offer a vast range of advantages
while
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 others disagree.
This
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 essay will explore both the positive and negative aspects of
this
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 concept
along with
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 my own perspective in forthcoming paragraphs.
To begin
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 with,
this
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 viewpoint boasts several advantages. One significant advantage is the creation of job opportunities as it offers employment to numerous
people
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. it is not only the responsibility of just one person to organize the whole event , a lot of
people
Use synonyms
 are involved in
such
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 programs as field management, lighting crew ,refreshment teams and many more. Perhaps the most compelling benefit is the economic boost. It fosters economic growth as
people
Use synonyms
 are spending to buy tickets, hotel bookings, food, transportation and shopping. It is particularly beneficial for the developing countries. Data collected by 'The India News-Times' there was an increase of 68% in local vendors as India organized
Cricket
Correct article usage
the Cricket
show examples
 World Cup in 2003.
However
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, despite its promising advantages, hosting an international match is not without its limitations. The most prominent drawback lies in high costs. As a host country needs to have updated infrastructure
such
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 as stadiums, roads and security. Another notable drawback is traffic congestion and an increase in environmental issues like pollution. Thousands of
people
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 travelling to and from stadiums can increase jams on the roads which can lead to problems for the local society.
For example
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, the
people
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 of Brazil protested against the government as they were spending too much on the renovation of stadiums. In conclusion, the emergence of
this
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 phenomenon can be attributed to a range of interrelated factors. A comprehensive understanding of these underlying causes is not only essential for grasping the full scope of the issue but
also
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 for formulating effective responses where necessary.

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task response
The essay presents a clear argument and discusses both views effectively, but could benefit from a more explicit statement of your opinion in the introduction. It is important to clearly express your stance if you include it in the task prompt.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the language and punctuation in some sentences for better readability. For instance, the phrase 'as it offers employment to numerous people' could be more smoothly integrated into the sentence. Consider varying your sentence structure to enhance flow.
task response
Make sure all your main points are supported by relevant examples. The example about the Cricket World Cup is strong, but it would be helpful to include more specific examples or data in the conclusion to reinforce your argument.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion contains a rather complex sentence that is slightly unclear. Simplifying your concluding remarks and directly linking them to the discussion can strengthen the clarity of your conclusion.
positive
The essay effectively discusses both sides of the argument, showing a balanced view of the advantages and disadvantages of hosting international sporting events.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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