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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that sport is an essential part of school life for students, while others feel it should be purely optional. Discuss these opposing views and give your own opinion..

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It is often argued that games are
very
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a very
show examples
 important part
in
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of
show examples
 the academic life of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
learners.
However
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, others think that sports should be optional.
This
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 essay will discuss both the opposite options, as far as I am concerned I favour the former viewpoint.
To begin
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 with, people who support the first option
has
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have
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 their own reasons.
Activities
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plays
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play
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 a great role in the
overall
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 development of the
children
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. Growing buds who
participat
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participate
 in sports are often more disciplined and adjust more easily
in
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to
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 group
works
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work
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. The reason behind
this
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 is that
while
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 playing games they are often divided
in
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into
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 teams. So, they started learning to
co-operate
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cooperate
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 from their early years.
Reacreational
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Recreational
activities
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helps
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help
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children
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 to become
healty
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healthy
 and fit as well. Running, climbing etc. is essential for the mental and physical development of a child in the early years. Participating in
extra curricular
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extracurricular
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activities
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 will help to reduce the pressure of studies as it diverts the attention of the students and
give
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gives
show examples
 them some time to enjoy
with
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themselves with
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 their friends.
On the other hand
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, a group of individuals suggest
thet
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that
 participating in games should not be
complusory
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compulsory
.
This
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 will increase
burden
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the burden
show examples
 on them, especially, if they struggle to participate in physical
activities
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.
Also
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,
this
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 would affect their academics as well. They will
unable
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be unable
show examples
 to focus on their studies
as a result
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 of
this
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, they might fail
from
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apply
show examples
their courses.
For example
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; in some
schools
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schools,
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 there are
children
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 with some disabilities.
Such
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 learners are unable to take part in physical activity. It will hurt them emotionally and make them feel sad.
This
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 will have an adverse impact on their
overall
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 development. In conclusion, everyone has different
toughts
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thoughts
. Some people think that it is positive because it will make learners
discplined
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disciplined
 and healthy.
However
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, others believe that it is negative as it will increase pressure on
children
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.
According to
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 my viewpoint, I will support the first option
due to
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 more benefits.

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grammar
Make sure to use proper subject-verb agreement in your sentences. For example, instead of 'people who support the first option has their own reasons', it should be 'have' instead of 'has'.
clarity
Consider rephrasing sentences for clarity. For instance, you wrote 'the reason behind this is that while playing games they are often divided in teams.' You might clarify by saying 'This is because, while playing games, students are typically organized into teams.'
spelling
Ensure proper spelling of words such as 'participate', 'recreational', 'healthy', 'compulsory', and 'thoughts'.
structure
Your introduction clearly presents the topic and your stance on the issue.
content
You provide some relevant points about how sports can benefit students, which shows understanding of the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • integral component
  • promote teamwork
  • healthy lifestyle
  • mandatory
  • talents and interests
  • cognitive functions
  • academic performance
  • stress and anxiety
  • physical constraints
  • medical conditions
  • engagement
  • skills development
  • precedence
  • future opportunities
  • balanced approach
  • individual preferences
  • physical education
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