IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Computers are now the basis of the modern world. They should therefore be introduced into classrooms, and their programs used for direct teaching purposes. However, dependence on computers in teaching may carry a certain degree of risk to students. Discuss both sides and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer, and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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In the modern world, it is undeniable that
computers
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 are the basis of teaching.
In particular
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,
teachers
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use
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computers
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 to be introduced into academic
programs
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, teaching directly to all
students
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.
Nevertheless
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, there are some risks that affect the
students
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. In my opinion,
computers
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 assist
teachers
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 in teaching
students
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 easier
due to
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 many useful software and convenient
programs
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, but learning through laptops for a long time will cause
students
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' behaviour including laziness and boredom. On the one hand,
computers
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 are a magic tool that helps
students
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 learn through numerous
programs
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, which are introduced into classrooms by
teachers
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 because they can teach more effectively, and there is a lot of software that cannot teach in papers or books
such
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 as 3D
programs
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, coding languages, and AI.
Moreover
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, these
also
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 make
students
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 learn more productively.
For example
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, all pupils in the coding academy often were coached by mentors on how to code fast. They had to
use
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 laptops all the time because it was a very practical method for learning.
On the other hand
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, studying by using
computers
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 in classrooms for a long time will make
students
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 feel more lazy.
Moreover
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, most
students
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 cannot concentrate as much as learning through books.
As a result
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 of
this
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 action, many
students
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 try to not pay attention in classes, and avoid focusing on knowledge.
For instance
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, a recent study showed that most
students
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 in subjects, which mainly used
computers
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, were distracted by some entertaining
programs
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 including games, social media, and so on.
Thus
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, it has many drawbacks for
students
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. In conclusion,
computers
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 are still necessary equipment that people around the world have to
use
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 every day, especially teaching.
However
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,
teachers
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 should provide proper
use
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 of
computers
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 for learning because if
teachers
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use
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 more redundant, learners will be distracted and will ignore studying in the classroom.

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coherence and cohesion
The introduction could benefit from more clarity regarding the topic and a more detailed thesis statement to indicate your stance clearly. Try to guide the reader with a stronger outline of your discussion.
task achievement
In your body paragraphs, ensure that each point you present is fully supported with detailed examples. Some ideas mentioned, like distractions caused by computers, could use a more thorough explanation or evidence to strengthen the argument.
coherence and cohesion
Consider varying your vocabulary and sentence structures to enhance the overall fluency of your writing. This can help maintain reader interest and improve clarity.
task achievement
Your essay presents both sides of the argument regarding the use of computers in education, which is important for a balanced discussion.
task achievement
You effectively articulate the advantages and disadvantages of computer use in classrooms, showing an understanding of the topic.
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