IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Is the pursuit of happiness a sustainable goal in the long run?

Is the pursuit of
happiness
Use synonyms
 a sustainable goal in the long run? In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I will give the definition of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
happiness
Use synonyms
 and give my answer
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the question. On the one hand, everyone
want
Change the verb form
wants
show examples
 to be happy and want to relax.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they study a lot and
work
Use synonyms
 hard
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 achieve
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
happiness
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, they don't know the value of their health. So, they would be ill and eventually die one day. From my point of view, everybody must live without any hard
work
Use synonyms
 and they must understand the value of their health. Being healthy is more than
happiness
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, people can earn money without doing any hard
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
. They can earn more money if they study more. So, they willn't
work
Use synonyms
 hard but they would earn more money by
uning
Correct your spelling
using
tuning
 their agility. My neighbour's son was clever and he had studied a lot. One day a group of strange people came to his house and they asked him to
work
Use synonyms
 for them. After a week he go to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
England. Now he is the most reach person in my village
although
Linking Words
, he
don't
Change the verb form
doesn't
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 hard.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
pursuit
Add an article
the pursuit
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 of
happiness
Use synonyms
 is
stable
Add an article
the stable
a stable
show examples
 goal and people can achieve that by studying a lot
on
Change preposition
about
show examples
 themselves.

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your introduction clearly outlines the main points you will discuss in the essay. It helps the reader understand the structure of your argument.
task achievement
Work on clearly defining 'happiness' at the beginning of your essay. This sets a good foundation for your argument.
task achievement
Try to expand on your ideas and provide more specific examples to support your claims. This will make your arguments stronger and more persuasive.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to check your grammar and phrasing. For instance, instead of 'to work for achieve the happiness', you could say 'to achieve happiness'.
content
You demonstrate a good understanding of the topic by discussing different perspectives on happiness.
structure
Your essay has a clear conclusion that summarizes your viewpoint.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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