IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people believe that artificial intelligence and automation will eliminate many jobs, while others think they will create new opportunities. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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The rapid growth of artificial intelligence (AI) has sparked ongoing debate about the future of employment.
While
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 individuals argue that these technologies will replace human
workers
Use synonyms
, others believe that they open new doors for innovation and opportunity. In my opinion,
although
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 AI may lead to the loss of certain jobs, it will create more possibilities for human progress.
This
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 essay will provide a thorough examination of these contrasting perspectives. On the one hand, it is essential to acknowledge the viewpoint that many fear job elimination
due to
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 automation. AI systems have become increasingly able to handle repetitive office work,
such
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 as data entry, customer service and even basic programming.
For example
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,the previous banking transactions, need transactions who now handled immediately through self-service kiosks or mobile applications.
Similarly
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, some software advanced missions can now automated using advanced tools. These changes can lead to losing jobs in some areas, requiring
workers
Use synonyms
 to switch to more physical or more creative activities. So, employees will be forced to adapt by learning new skills and switching to careers less damaged before automation.
On the other hand
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 , many people argue that AI and mechanization will lead to the creation of industry and new job opportunities. When machines take on regular tasks ,
workers
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 will have time to focus on more complex and creative spheres.
For example
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 of person previously working in basic software development can focus on hardware or AI system integration.
This
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 transformation not only requires the acquisition of new skills but
also
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 encourages personal and career evolution. What’s more, the demand for advanced technology will promote innovation, leading to the improvement of new products, services and careers that have not existed before. In conclusion,
although
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 AI and industrialization can remove some types of work, I believe they will eventually lead to more opportunities. By adapting to these changes and absorbing new skills,
workers
Use synonyms
 can develop a future formed by continuous innovation and advancement.

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task achievement
Strengthen your examples with clearer connections to your main points, ensuring they explicitly illustrate the argument you are making.
coherence and cohesion
Work on the organization of your paragraphs; some transitions could be smoother to help guide the reader better.
coherence and cohesion
In your conclusion, reiterate the main arguments you've made throughout the essay to give it a stronger closing theme.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced view of the topic, discussing both sides effectively and including a personal opinion, which is a strong approach.
coherence and cohesion
Good variety in vocabulary and sentence structures; this helps to keep the reader engaged.
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