Some people think that success in life comes trom hard work and determination, while others think hot there are more infortant factors such as money and appearance. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Whether being successful in life is a result of determination and hard
work
or other elements
contribute
Correct pronoun usage
that contribute
show examples
to wealth or appearance is a highly debatable question. The writer believes that some other crucial elements play a much more important role than just pure conscientiousness and perseverance. It is vital to understand that an insane
work
ethic with an unwavering attitude is undoubtedly essential to being successful in life.
It is clear that
to enhance the potential for career advancement, individuals need to show a certain amount of diligence and resoluteness.
For example
, Kobe Bryant, one of the most successful basketball players of all time, is known for his insane
work
ethic where he spent 8 hours per day to train and improve consistently for over 20 years.
Thus
proving that hard
work
is a vital element to success.
However
, many components can play a key role in determining whether someone is successful or not. A well financial background can serve as a catalyst for propelling individuals forward, acting as a precursor to achieving greater milestones later in life.
Moreover
, a polished appearance can significantly influence how someone is perceived.
This
is how the Kardashian family is widely regarded as famous and influential because of their wealth and good looks.
Thus
, giving them the edge that can be important in someone’s career potential. In conclusion, there are more aspects that play a key role in someone's success than just pure determination.
Hence
,
this
essay has proved that there are other factors that contribute to success than just a strong
work
ethic and passion.
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task achievement
It may be beneficial to further expand upon and balance the support for both views. The essay leans slightly towards one perspective and could give more substantial examples for both positions.
coherence cohesion
A smoother transition between paragraphs can enhance the flow of the essay. Using transition words or phrases can help create a stronger link between ideas.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which reinforces the main argument effectively.
task achievement
The examples provided, such as Kobe Bryant and the Kardashian family, are specific and relevant, adding depth to the discussion.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is solid, with a well-organized progression of ideas.

Your opinion

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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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