IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that countries should produce food to feed their populations themselves and import as little as possible. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In
this
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 contemporary era, some individuals argue that
countries
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 should be independent in
food
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 production for all residents, and importing of it should be minimised. It is an inevitable fact that
this
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 suggestion would lead to poverty and a lack of
budget
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 in some
nations
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. I firmly disagree with the idea that governments should produce
food
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 to feed their population.
To begin
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 with, exports and imports play an influential role in
countries
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' economic conditions.
As a result
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, undeveloped and war-ravaged
countries
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, especially those lacking agricultural facilities
such
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 as infertile soil, insufficient water, and poor weather, cannot produce high-quality
crops
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 and
food
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. So, other developed
nations
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 are required to export diverse cuisines to these
nations
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 to help them combat poverty. To illustrate
this
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 point
further
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, after the war, Ukraine imported
food
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 from the United States and India to serve the remaining residents of the
nation
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.
Furthermore
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,
due to
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 explosions on the surface of Ukraine, the soil quality has degraded, and most varieties cannot be grown for a decade.
Hence
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, the majority of
nations
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 lack suitable space and conditions to grow sufficient
crops
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 to feed the inhabitants.
Moreover
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, considered
budget
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 is considered essential, as it affects nationwide financial decisions. Authorities have to assign a
budget
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 to different sectors to tackle other significant needs
such
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 as poverty, unemployment and transportation.
Thereby
Rephrase
Therefore
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, producing
crops
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 at a large scale would require huge capital, meaning the
budget
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 of other sectors needs to be significantly reduced;
nonetheless
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, importing
food
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 from other
countries
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 is more logical and practical.
For instance
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, in Malaysia, the government decided to import wheat and flour from neighbouring
countries
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 because planting these
crops
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 in the
nation
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 has caused them to lose funds, ultimately leaving them with insufficient funds to plant them in their
nation
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.
Therefore
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, officials' financial decisions can impact the quality of people's lifestyles. In conclusion, it is argued that a country must produce its
food
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 for the entire
nation
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.
However
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, in my opinion, if importing
food
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 from other
nations
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addressed
Wrong verb form
addresses
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inhabitants
Change noun form
inhabitants'
inhabitant's
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 nutrition needs,
then
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 importing is more beneficial, as it contributes to
financial
Correct article usage
the financial
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 security
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the government.

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coherence and cohesion
Although your arguments are clear, ensure that each paragraph includes a topic sentence that directly addresses the main point. This will help clarify the structure and guide the reader more effectively.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion could be strengthened by more clearly summarizing the key points made in the essay rather than simply restating your opinion. This will enhance the overall cogency of your argument.
task achievement
Expand on the consequences of food importation and how it can support impoverished countries beyond just providing food. This will provide a deeper analysis and improve your task response.
task achievement
While your examples are relevant, providing additional specific examples or statistical data could strengthen your argument and demonstrate a more comprehensive understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Your introduction effectively presents the topic and your stance, which makes your position clear from the beginning.
task achievement
You provide relevant examples to support your points, which enhances the persuasiveness of your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Your use of transition phrases helps maintain the flow of the essay, making it easier for the reader to follow your arguments.
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