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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that the universities must only accept student with high mark, while others believe that universities must accept students of all ages regardless of their previous grades. Discuss both views and give your opinion. (Ulvi)

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Some individuals argue that it is crucial for
universities
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 to admit
students
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 only
due to
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 their high marks. Some other
people
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 hold the view that all
students
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 should be accepted to
universities
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 without taking into concentration their background
knowledge
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. In my opinion, both sides have valid arguments which will be discussed in
this
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 essay. On the one hand, it is believed that
students
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 with a low level of
knowledge
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 can disturb highly educated ones. To be more specific, in most cases, ignorant
people
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 continue to not study.
Instead
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, they distract
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others, and
as a result
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, the rate of literacy will decrease.
Therefore
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, accepting
students
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 with high scores for gaining tertiary
education
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 helps learners to specialize.
For instance
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, in the USA, some
universities
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 admit only
people
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 who have perfect English and
this
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 allows individuals to acquire highly qualified
education
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.
On the other hand
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, the proponents of admitting
students
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 from all age groups regardless of their previous grades consider that
although
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 some individuals do not have background
knowledge
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, they can have other skills.
In other words
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, there are a lot of
people
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 who are not interested in
education
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 but have abilities which can be gained with studies at
universities
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 in the world.
For example
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, to be an artist,
people
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 do not need previous
knowledge
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, they can learn information related to
this
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 profession at
universities
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. In conclusion, taking all the aforementioned points into account, I am convinced that some
universities
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 should accept learners just with a high level of
education
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. At the same time, some others should admit
students
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 regardless of their previous grades, because there is no need for their background
knowledge
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 in some professions.

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task achievement
Try to provide more comprehensive supporting details for each point discussed. For example, elaborating on the negative impact of accepting students with low marks would strengthen the argument.
coherence
Ensure each paragraph clearly relates back to the main thesis. Consider reinforcing how both sides contribute to the overall discussion on educational acceptance.
coherence
Vary your sentence structure and use of linking words to improve fluency and engagement in your writing.
structure
Your introduction and conclusion effectively summarize the main points of the discussion, providing a clear structure to the essay.
example
You provided relevant examples, like the artist profession, which help illustrate the point about alternative skills beyond academic marks.
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