Many people, especially young children, watch too much television. Some experts think that this can be dangerous, and that the time would be better spent doing other thing. What are the advantages and disadvantages of watching television?

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Over the course of the recent decades, spending hours in front of
TV
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sets has become a popular activity among
children
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.
Although
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television offers many notable advantages, its drastic side effects on
children
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’s physical and mental health, cannot be neglected. Admittedly, watching
TV
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has various benefits for everyone, particularly for the kids in their formative years. First and foremost, the majority of
TV
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programs
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are educational that can help
the
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apply
show examples
children
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to develop an array of skills.
For instance
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, there is an American channel for kids, named Kids Time, that broadcasts a program that teaches
children
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to do handcrafts at home or to paint with unusual materials like fruits.
Moreover
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, since there are many
programs
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on diverse subjects, ranging from history to science, young people have the opportunity to acquire well-rounded information about every topic.
Nevertheless
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,
this
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trend
also
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has some chronic downsides. Some academics advocate that watching too much television can be harmful. On the one hand, it is hard on different parts of our bodies
such
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as the eyes, leading to serious health problems.
On the other hand
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, long-term exposure to
TV
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programs
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can fuel some mental issues like isolation and depression. Cambridge University found in a recent study that clinging to screens is the main reason that people fail to communicate with each other properly. In summary,
although
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some experts believe that
children
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should focus on other activities, rather than watch different
programs
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for hours; the positive influences of these shows on
children
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’s knowledge and perception must be taken into consideration.

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Task Achievement
Consider expanding on the disadvantages section. You touched on some key health issues, but more specific examples or data could strengthen your argument.
Coherence
Try to improve the connection between the ideas in your paragraphs by using more linking phrases. This can enhance the flow of your essay and make it easier to follow.
Coherence
While your introduction is clear, you could add a thesis statement that outlines the structure of your essay. This will guide readers more effectively.
Coherence
Your introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, and your conclusion summarizes the main points well.
Task Achievement
You provided a good variety of examples to illustrate the advantages of television, which adds depth to your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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