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Writing Samples
Band 5

some educationists think that international exchange visits will benefit teenagers at the school. to what extend advantages outweigh disadvantagse?

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Introduction
In recent years, the global tours of students have become a common event in many schools across the world. Some people believe that there are several benefits as global visits allow children to learn about different cultures, traditions and languages.
Moreover
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, it helps to improve confidence among students
however
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 opponents argue that despite the benefits there are a few drawbacks
such
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 as
students
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students'
student's
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 health and adaptability to different environments. I personally believe that the advantages overcome the negative sides.
Body paragraph 1
One of the major advantages is that visiting different nations broadens the knowledge of various aspects,
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
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,
tradition
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traditions
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, and
language
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languages
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 are few of them.
For instance
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, if teenagers would visit the nations that they have already studied about, they will get a chance to experience the textbook concept in the real world.
This
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 would lead to the development of critical thinking and academic growth of individuals .
Furthermore
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, participating in international visits
also
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 opens the door to self-dependency as youngsters will be far away from their parents they have to manage things on their own.
As a result
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, their personal skills
such
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 as confidence and independence would be developed.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, there are some disadvantages.
Firstly
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, an international visit mainly lasts for at least 10 days and the climate conditions are different from the native nations.
Consequently
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, many
youngstres
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youngsters
 might not be comfortable with the weather.
For example
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, specific areas of countries like the US, and Canada are
comparatibly
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comparatively
 cooler as compared to other countries.
As a result
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, children visiting these countries might not be able to deal with the cold temperature and can fall sick.
Secondly
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, during worldwide
trips
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trips,
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 teenagers might have allergic reactions to various plants and materials that are not found in their native country which can result in serious health issues.
Conclusion
In conclusion, no doubt, in
this
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 modern world international tours play a significant role in teenager's
overall
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 growth in terms of personal and professional lives.
Although
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 there are a few drawbacks
of
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to
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 these trips I think that the benefits of global trips outweigh the disadvantages.

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Task Achievement
While your essay presents a clear opinion, ensure that your position is stated more assertively in the introduction. This clarity strengthens the argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that paragraphs are better linked with cohesive devices such as 'Moreover', 'Furthermore', etc. Consider varying these so that your writing flows more smoothly.
Task Achievement
Some points could be expanded with further examples or explanations. Providing more detail can make your arguments stronger.
Task Achievement
Your essay includes a clear opinion, and the advantages of international visits are presented logically.
Coherence and Cohesion
You have structured your essay with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is essential for coherence.
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