IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2

There are an increasing number of serious crimes committed each year. While some people say that the best way would be to use death penalty as a deterrant, many people say that other measures will be needed.Discuss both views

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is an undeniable fact that major crimes
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 always been a debatable issue. Few people think that
criminal
Fix the agreement mistake
criminals
show examples
 should be hanged to
death
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
 others believe that different possible solutions need to be taken to overcome
this
Linking Words
 issue. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I am going to discuss both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
views. On the one hand, since the number of criminal
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 increasing day by day, and the fear of police and officials is getting reduced, people start appealing for
Use synonyms
death
Correct article usage
the death
show examples
 punishment for rule breakers. To explicate, drug- addicts and unemployment are the major causes behind
this
Linking Words
 situation.
Also
Linking Words
, robbing,
rapes
Fix the agreement mistake
rape
show examples
 and other illegal
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
 hurt the sentiments of citizens and the only decision they
ends
Change the verb form
end
show examples
 up with is
Use synonyms
death
Add an article
the death
show examples
 penalty.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
handful
Add an article
a handful
show examples
 of denizens think that, there are other necessary solutions as well,
such
Linking Words
 as the law and order need to be more strict.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, employment rates need to be increased, grocery prices should be more affordable and
educations
Fix the agreement mistake
education
show examples
 needs to be free for younger children, so they can learn and grow.
To conclude
Linking Words
, possible measures
needs
Change the verb form
need
show examples
 to
considered
Add a missing verb
be considered
show examples
for
Change preposition
by
show examples
rule
Correct article usage
the rule
show examples
 broker before hanging to
death
Use synonyms
,

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Clarify your position in the introduction and make sure to address both sides more explicitly throughout the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to use cohesive devices effectively to link your ideas and paragraphs smoothly.
coherence and cohesion
Check for grammatical inaccuracies and ensure correct subject-verb agreement, such as "major crimes have always been a debatable issue" instead of 'has'.
task achievement
You've introduced the topic well and indicated that you will discuss both views, which provides a clear direction for your essay.
task achievement
You've presented some relevant points regarding the causes of crime and alternative solutions, which shows an understanding of the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: