IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Using a mobile phone while driving is dangerous because it causes the driver to become the distracted. Therefore mobile phone use by driver should be made illegal everywhere. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

It is believed that using a mobile
phone
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while
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 driving is dangerous because it causes the driver to become distracted. To some extent, I agree with
this
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 view, but there are other aspects to take into account. One key reason for prioritizing
road
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 safety is that distracted driving can lead to serious
accidents
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.
That is
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 to say, when drivers
use
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 their phones behind the wheel, they tend to lose focus on the
road
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, increasing the risk of collisions.
For example
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, distractions
such
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 as texting, calling, and checking notifications significantly reduce reaction time.
As a result
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, the likelihood of
accidents
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, injuries, and even fatalities rises. If it were not for mobile
phone
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 distractions, many
accidents
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 could be avoided. Given that, banning
phone
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use
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while
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 driving could help reduce
road
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 casualties.
However
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, another idea against
this
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 is that not all
phone
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use
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while
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 driving is equally dangerous.
In other words
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,
while
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 texting or browsing the internet is clearly hazardous, using hands-free devices for navigation or emergency calls may be relatively safe.
For instance
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, tools
such
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 as GPS systems, voice assistants, and emergency apps can aid drivers without taking their eyes off the
road
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.
Consequently
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, banning all forms of
phone
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use
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 might be too strict and unrealistic. If it were not for these useful technologies, some drivers would lack important tools for safe travel.
Therefore
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, a complete ban might not be necessary. In conclusion,
although
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 mobile
phone
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use
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while
Linking Words
 driving increases the risk of distraction and
accidents
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, some controlled uses may be helpful and safe. A balanced approach that limits dangerous
phone
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use
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while
Linking Words
 allowing safe applications would be more practical than a total ban.

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task achievement
Consider elaborating more on the reasons behind your agreements and disagreements to provide a deeper analysis of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Try using linking words to connect your ideas more smoothly, which can enhance the flow of your essay.
task achievement
Including more specific examples or potential consequences when discussing the use of hands-free devices could strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Your argument is well-structured with clear main ideas and supporting details.
task achievement
You presented a balanced view, considering both sides of the argument, which enhances the quality of your essay.
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