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Writing Samples
Band 6

The chart below shows information about the challenges people face when they go to live in other countries. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows information about the challenges people face when they go to live in other countries. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The bar chart illustrates the percentage of different
problems
Use synonyms
 — sorting out finances, sorting
of
Change preposition
apply
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healthcare, and finding
school
Add an article
a school
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 for my children — across the 3
age
Use synonyms
 bracket
Use synonyms
people
Change preposition
of people
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 who lived in other countries.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is evident that sorting out finances and healthcare as the primary
problems
Use synonyms
 dominated all groups, representing a fraction of
share
Correct article usage
the share
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.
In contrast
Linking Words
, finding
school
Add an article
a school
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 for my children was confined to minor levels, except
Correct article usage
the middle
show examples
middle
Add a hyphen
middle-age
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age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
. All 3
age
Use synonyms
bracket
Fix the agreement mistake
brackets
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 (18-34, 35-54, and 55+) thought dealing with finances and healthcare were challenges for them.
In contrast
Linking Words
, young
people
Use synonyms
puted
Correct your spelling
put
show examples
 financial
problems
Use synonyms
 as prime
problems
Use synonyms
 reaching 34% —
subtle
Change the word
subtly
show examples
 lower than middle
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 (35%) — comparing with the old (28%). Health
problems
Use synonyms
 were another challenge for all groups, especially for
35
Correct article usage
the 35
show examples
-54
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 and
55+
Correct article usage
the 55+
show examples
group
Use synonyms
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
all over 30% ( 36%, 35.5% respectively),
while
Linking Words
 the young showed a lower level at 32%.
Conversely
Linking Words
, finding
school
Add an article
a school
show examples
 for my children exhibited divergent
pattern
Fix the agreement mistake
patterns
show examples
. The 18-
34-years-old
Correct your spelling
34-year-old
people
Use synonyms
 and
over-55-years-old
Correct your spelling
over-55-year-old
people
Use synonyms
 didn't excessively care about
this
Linking Words
 problem, virtually keeping at 5%,
while
Linking Words
 35-
54-years-old
Correct your spelling
54-year-old
people
Use synonyms
reaching
Wrong verb form
reached
show examples
 19%.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in contrast, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words problems, age, people, group with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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