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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In some countries, more and more adults are living with their parents after graduating from college , University or even after finding a job. Do the advantages of this outweigh disadvantages?

#countries #adults #parents #college #university #job #outweigh
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Nowadays, a greater number of university graduates and young adults prefer to live with their
parents
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 around the world.
While
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this
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 can be beneficial for them
initially
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 in saving money and
time
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, I firmly believe it can have many detrimental effects on their
future
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, as they will not be able to become self-sufficient and sustain their own families. The major advantage of choosing to stay with
parents
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 is that it is economically viable and reduces the amount of
time
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 spent on daily activities.
Firstly
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, the financial strain of paying the rent and other bills associated with living alone is not present.
As a result
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, it is possible for them to invest
this
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 money for their
future
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. Another aspect is the
time
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 that they save on chores like cooking and cleaning, which they can use to work and advance in their career, in the initial years.
For instance
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, interns in many organizations are made to work long hours at minimum wages, leaving them with minimal
time
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 for themselves which
also
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 results in health issues. If these people choose to be in the same house as their
parents
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, it would reduce the burden of preparing meals, staying healthy and saving whatever little they are paid to achieve their goals in the
future
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. Despite all the benefits, it can be said that it negatively impacts their
overall
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 personal growth and limits them from being able to support themselves in the long run.
This
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 means that when they encounter day-to-day problems concerning their household, without the guidance of another, these adults are rendered incompetent.
Moreover
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, it is a widely understood notion that experience is the best way to teach, the ones who are never exposed to situations
such
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 as repairing a leaking tap or preparing meals for themselves are not able to cope when they have families of their own.
This
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 clearly means that living with
parents
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 for extended periods of
time
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 just for personal benefit and comfort results in limiting the holistic growth of young individuals. In conclusion,
although
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 young adults can advance financially and professionally by living with their
parents
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, in the
future
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 they are set to face major problems personally and
in
Change preposition
by
show examples
 extension are not able to sufficiently manage their own families.
Submitted by Writing8 on

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task achievement
The essay covers the prompt well, addressing both the advantages and disadvantages of young adults living with their parents. However, it could benefit from a deeper analysis and more varied examples. Consider expanding your points to include broader societal implications or more diverse perspectives.
coherence cohesion
The essay flows logically, and each paragraph transitions smoothly from one idea to the next. Still, consider linking your ideas even more explicitly to enhance the logical connections between points. Words or phrases like 'however', 'in addition', and 'on the other hand' can help.
coherence cohesion
While the essay is generally well-structured, there are minor grammatical and stylistic issues that you might want to refine. For example, ensuring variety in sentence structure and choosing more precise vocabulary where possible can make your arguments more compelling.
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a clear and strong introduction, which sets the stage for the discussion well. You have also ended with a concise conclusion that neatly wraps up the main points.
supported main points
The main points are largely well supported and relevant to the topic. You have provided a good mix of financial and personal arguments and used specific examples to substantiate your points.
logical structure
Your ideas are clearly presented, and the essay follows a logical structure that makes it easy to follow. Well done on maintaining coherence and building your argument step by step.
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